Well we're back. I wasn't going to write blogs anymore but... I've decided the Twitter is for professionalism and this is for my raw, unedited opinions. I think this one is going to be more of a season recap.
Boy howdy this 2024 season started out real well! I had a wonderful opening game beating, arguably, the best team in the division 35-22. This dude is just a total dick, but you'll learn that later on... It was a tough-ish game, but I was more than excited to use my new toys. I don't think there's a world that I don't win my opener, simply because I'm WAY too excited to play with my new players. Like Ja'Darius Calloway? Hello??? 93 speed and 6'4"???? Yes please. God I want a breakout with him so bad. Every season has it's own special player. 2021 had Logan Ryan, 2022 had John Ross III, 2023 had Brenton the Savior, and 2024 had Ja'Darius Calloway. I force fed him like crazy. Mayyyyyyybe a little too much... That's the cause of a lot of my losses this year.
I'm gonna skip over game two because it was a CPU game and nobody really wants to hear about that.
These next few games were... HELL ON EARTH! OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL DANIEL JONES! I'M SAYIN, KILL DANIEL JONES!!!!! Over the next 4 games, this man had a TD/INT ratio under 50%!!! Over 4 games! You're telling me this team made playoffs?? The game vs the Bucs was infuriating! He controlled the ball and I threw for 91 YDs and 1 INT.... I had the ball for LESS THAT A QUARTER!! This man played the most boring ass football I had ever seen. Was it sim? Yes. Was it good? Yes. Was it the worst thing I had ever experienced in my life?? Yes. Yes it was. During the heated times in the midst of a 4 game losing streak, a fight broke out between JRIII at practice. Later, in a press conference, Ja'Darius would go on to say that he felt that JRIII gaslighting and manipulating him because he's a little tiny baby bitch, and JRIII called Ja'Darius a... great receiver? Yeah, it was fuckin' weird. Ja'Darius must've been on a shit ton of lean bc goddamn he was seeing shit. Through all this, Saquon is over here sitting on the sideline wondering why his name isn't being called. But he isn't angry, no, Saquon mf Barkley understands that this turf is his, it's only a matter of time before everyone else realizes that as well. And sure enough, they did.
During all this, HC AJ Newbs, MYSELF (GASP!), was going through some hard stuff. Some family stuff was going on, something about cancer and mom? Idfk, but I was going through it. And yeah, family shit happens, but this is MADDEN! If I don't win in Madden, I don't fucking win in LIFE. So I knew I had to do something. That's when I slowly turned my gaze to Sa-quads Barkley. Sitting there. Beaty-eyed. Waiting to be called on to give his answer to our problem. So I set my ego aside and called his number 8 times the next game (seems like a few times, but he got the job done). WADDYA KNOW! THE FUCKIN MAN PULLS OUT 114 YDS AND 2 TDs OUTTA HIS ASS AGAINST A TEAM THAT WAS PERFECT THE PREVIOUS YEAR! God I'm weird for not using him. Just an absolute weirdo. Anyway, the next week we lost to Gudda, and the cycle continues. Yeah losing sucks and all... But to a divisional rival? He absolutely figured something out, because he was playing like he knew my every move. I've learned my lesson now about not underestimating that son of a bitch. After that game, I went directly back into that depression. I wrote, I think, a five tweet long thread about my hatrid of this game Madden. My problem was I was playing to have fun, to upgrade certain players. But I can't do that. I can have a ton of fun while playing to win, I just didn't see it at the time. I was in a slump, losing in SMLP and other leagues I coached in, and it would take an insane W to get back on track.
And an insane W is what we got, ladies and gents. On the team's way to the game, I sat all my players down and gave them a bit of a pep talk. Well, pep talk is a little bit sugarcoat-ey... I screamed... I screamed a ton. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted our savior Saquon to take the ball, I wanted Daniel to be patient and throw to his checkdowns if needed. And boy did they deliver. In, quite possibly, our biggest win of the entire season, Saquon had 182 total yards and two TDs and Evan Engram had 125 and 3 TDs! That's all we needed to get everything back in order. All of a sudden, JC and JRIII were friends again, Brenton was playing out of his mind again (getting 2 PICK 6s IN ONE GAME!) and Daniel Jones was... well he was still the worst thing ever thought of by mankind, but he wasn't losing, so I'm willing to... forgive him... barely... From that moment, I declared that I would win out, which I practically had to do in order to get into the playoffs. 6 wins might be fine in the cupcake AFC, but in the NFC? Nah bitch, you are absolutely fucked if you have a 2-6 record... Most of the time...
Going on to win the next 5 games, things were looking way up for our Giants. However, @ 11:00 p.m., I got a "u up?" text from the HC of the Falcons. Now usually I don't respond to these, I mean, I have a beautiful girlfriend, why would I respond to a u up text... But this time, reason had left. You know what they say, when you're really itching to... play... you lose sight of your reason. So I went downstairs and met him on Madden... anddddddd I paid for it. Harshly. In a season where I needed to win every single game, I lost. Now at an 8-7 record, the plot thickened. As soon as I got home the next day, I checked playoff scenarios. It appeared that the COACHLESS Seahawks currently held the #7 seed. Nobody knows how, but it sure did happen. I had to win both my remaining games. The problem? My ghost, the thing that has fueled my entire winning streak, my loss to Gudda, was about to come right back to face me. Right after taking care of a non-factor Titans team in a "Super" Bowl rematch (hi NYT!), I had one final game before the playoffs. A must win. Now, unfortunately, I let up 122 rushing yards, which normally is horrible. A guarenteed loss. However, it's incredible that we ended up WINNING the game, putting us in the playoffs!!! But... even worse than facing Gudda in a clutch scenario, facing WFT in a clutch scenario.
Now there's some beef between myself and the self-proclaimed "king". Whomever told him he's a "king" was wildly mistaken. After our first game, no GG, already a bad sign. After the game, he decided to let me know he's considering retiring from the league. Now, I can't say I encouraged it... But I didn't DIScourage it........ Once we finished our second game, I sent a gg, and this is what happened:
"Gg lil bro. Our first game I was in a hotel. Finally at home, in my own setting, in my own chair. I can focus more," Ke replied. He was clearly upset about losing to a 17 year old lil bitch boy like me.
"Damn, didn't have to make me feel bad about our last game," I shot back. I knew, he was upset, so I wanted to see what his reply would be. If he was a dick, I'd try my best to make him feel really fuckin weird.
"Nah you had me mad as hell." Ooooooo this is gonna be fun!
"Why lol? I didn't do anything," This was absolutely going to bait his ass.
"Cause you beat me and my ass hurt sitting in the hotel chair tryna squint to play."
"Bitch I play on my laptop. Kinda got you beat there," This is the kind of man who HATES getting one uped. I could tell. Being an actor myself, I knew he would hate it if someone were to take his precious attention away from him.
"Then you went in group and was like 'I won'... I was like 'I can't wait til I get hoe and play his ass... now we even. I'm like Michael Jordan, I find anything to take personally," He whipped. What the fuck? Did this man just compare himself to the GOAT???? I'm sorry, but anyone who compares themselves to Michael fucking Jordan is a dumbass. Like seriously man, no you're not. Michael Jordan doesn't fucking act like this. Ke over here acting like Daniel Jones godDAMN. "Literally how I'm able to win in life I can find inspiration from anything."
I decided to just get real with him: "Well don't tell me that... Dawg I'm not gonna lie this is hella annoying right now. I appreciate getting inspiration, but what is this bullshit about you treating me like a villain?"
He (digitally) stared into my soul and said, "You are my villain. You have a ring. So sit the fuck back and let me get one,". Welp, now I know that this man is certifiably insane and a certified dumbass. But I decided there was no reason to not play the villain if he's gonna treat me like that.
"Well fuck you, then. Not gonna take our games lightly anymore. I guess you'll see when I fuck you up in playoffs. Should be a good game, but I'm winning." And that was the end of that. I had said my peace. I knew that I needed to destroy his ass in the playoffs to get rid of this gaslighting weirdo... For good.
The game started off with a two play drive for him, TD. Not exactly the start I was hoping for. Even worse, I threw an INT on the very next drive which he was able to score off of. I was playing with my family in the room, and they were all shitting on me fr fr.
"How are you even in the playoffs LOL!" my sister exlaimed. She always seems to be watching when I'm doing poorly. My mom also heckled me. My dad was the only one who believed in me. I don't really know why, but... Luckily, I was able to drive down the field, mythotically, burning 4:00 off the clock and score right back. TD pass to Saquon Barkley. Now, I've strayed from passing to Saquon for the longest time. People were figuring it out, and most of all, it wasn't the most sim-like thing to do. But this game, with this backstory, I'd take ANY check down I could. 100%. The very next drive I decided to user Jayon Brown because he had been running the ball quite a bit, and with secure tackler, it's important I'm there to dive for the ballcarrier. I sprint in to shoot the gap, but it's a pass! Play action! I got off my block, and as soon as I did, BAM! Interception!! The turning point! Very next play, rushing touchdown to Saquon. The way it should be. The "king" ended up stalling out at the end of the half and kicked a field goal. Trailing 14-17 at the half. As it turns out, however... THAT WAS THE LAST TIME HE'D BE SCORING!! We went on a RUN, rushing another TD with Saquon and passing one to the ROOKIE Ja'Darius Calloway! The team was performing as it should be! So exciting. I could tell when there was 6 minutes left in the 4th and he was running the ball, he gave up. I fucking rejoiced, I shouted "IN YOUR FACE!" to my mom and went and hugged my dad. I was running around the house freaking the fuck out. The best part? I go to send him GG and, whaddya know, he left the league. I had gotten rid of this asshole for good. Finally. No more treating me like the villain (except you, Biz), no more bitching about me being happy about a win. None of it. He's gone forever thank god.
Now on to the divisional matchup. Alex "Jones" Fink. There's a bit of history behind this game. In our first meeting, he won on an INT that was due to a throw out of sack. It was a cover 3 bomb, which I'm NOT good at, and it was undertrown. In hindsight, just a poor read. Our second meeting was in the 2023 Divisional game, in which we both played INSANELY well, but I emerged victorious after Adoree Jackson secured the INT of his life. In 2024, he whooped my lil ass by a ton, but that's beside the point, what matters is this game. And everything riding on it. Pride, bragging rights, a possible superbowl win. I knew in order to win this game, I had to run the ball, and throw to the flats. BOY DID THAT FLY OUT THE WINDOW!!! First drive, TD, second? TD, third? TD! This game was a fucking shootout that would only be rivaled by my 2022 week 1 matchup with Cowboys (r.i.p. Blades). End of the third quarter, I decide I need to slow my team on down. Run the ball, short passes, stay disciplined. Unfortunately, I decided to play it too short, having no options deep. So when I surveyed the field and found no one open, I threw it. The SECOND the ball left my hand I thought "OH GOD, WHY DID I DO THAT!?" It went directly into the hands of his linebacker. The rest was history. I tried my best to keep up but there was no hope. I hadn't stopped him all game, why would I be able to now? I lost and quickly turned off my PS5. I was sad, but proud of the way my team performed. They stepped up to the challenge of the super bowl champions, and did it with a smile on their faces. I knew then that this next season, 2025, was going to be our year.
This is our year.
Thank you for reading! Go get your team a SuperBowl too! (Unless your team isn't the Giants)
Have you ever wanted to be the very best like no one ever was? Well, I've created the best CFM player according to the best stats of everyone in SMLP!
Best Brain (QB): Finkalex8 - Simply, this man is an S-tier passer. the ONLY person above 80% completion while over 100 attempts. Not only is he completing passes, but when he doesn't they don't go to the other team as he's only at 7 INTs so far on the season. Being undefeated is difficult, but Alex makes it look like a breeze. Fuck you for being in the NFC
Fastest Feet (RB): NYTitan21 - Derrick mf Henry... He's King Henry for a reason. Leading rusher last season AND is currently leading rusher this season as well! His spectacular run game has lead him to two superbowls back-to-back, which is no easy feat.
Hottest Hands (WR) - Deathwish22 - He spreads the ball very well, being the only person who has two receivers in the top 20! (Besides Fink... But his guys are #17 and #20 sooo nah). Kittle and Deebo combine for over 1.5K yards by week 10... Insane!
Thiccest Thighs - (OL) - JonesyWL - Don't know what the HELL this man is doing... but it's working. He's only allowed 4 sacks on the season it looks like. Whatever scheme you're doing to block everyone, keep at it bro! It's fuckin working
Vivacious Vision (INTs) - Rollsroyce13 - Defense go BRRRR for Royce here like goddamn. 28 INTs and we're only in week 11 :_( That's so hype! LB Krys Barnes has got the most of the team at 6, which means Royce has probably got a scary good lurk game. Keep it up!
Scary Shoulders (FFs) - LittleNewbs - Okay so let me do some explaining... First off, Brenton Porter and Terrell Edmunds combined for 12 fumbles or MORE last season ON THEIR OWN, and second, Jonesy has the most fumbles at 10 and he already got something soooooo sorry not sorry.
Athletic Arms (Sacks) - DW - Wtf dude! 29 sacks by week 11????? Actually insane. I love me some DL pressure and it looks like he's getting it done! Arik Armstead and Nick Bosa combine for 16 sacks on their own, with, clearly, several more from other sources!
Alex Alex
Alex{Royce Royce}Alex
Alex Alex
LittleNewbs | | LittleNewbs
DW DW DW | | DW DW DW
DW DW DW | | DW DW DW
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JonesyWL JonesyWL
JonesyWL JonesyWL
JonesyWL JonesyWL
NYTitan21 NYTitan21
SUPER Wildcard Weekend, baby. There's no way the Giants win... right? Especially vs a powerhouse like the Lions...
WRONG!! THE VICTORY IS OURS!!! And holy shit was it a crazy game. The entire game was mirrored from the first half to the second. First half: Defense played like the little tiny balls of excrement they are, and offense had to keep pace with the shootout that Detroit was forming. Then in the second half, Detroit's defense got stout-er, however, their offense completely broke down.
We don't even need to focus on how Daniel Jones (the biggest piece of shit on the team. I literally cannot believe how much I fucking hate this guy. This white fuck needs to leave, and that's a goddamn order) went for 270 Yards, 4 TDs and 1 INT. We don't even need to TALK about how Saquon went for 118 on the ground and 71 in the air for 3 TDs. WE DON'T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW EVAN ENGRAM WENT FOR 141 YARDS AND 1 TD! No... No no no no no. All we need to talk about is...
DEFENSE! Holy mother of dog shit, our defense stepped UP! 7 turnovers total, 4 or 5 coming in the 2nd half alone. Our DB crew cleaned the fuck up today. Forcing two fumbles and four INTs total. The front seven also emerged from out of the toilet they belong in and got a total of 3 sacks.
Next up, we've either got WFT (ez fucking dub) if Panthers win, however, if they lose, we charge into Green Bay or San Francisco for (most likely) Our finale LOL. Either way, Saquon and Brenton need to step up if we're going to keep winning. Anyway, 1 down, 3 to go!
Current Surprises:
Daniel Jones was good for the second week in a row. Third time's a charm...? Dear god I'm scared of this man sabotaging our entire team.
Saquon Barkley had an incredible game. Why am I talking about this? This isn't a surprise.
Azeez Ojulari had a sack or two in the last two games as well. The youngsters have ACTUALLY come to play
Adoree Jackson had a fucking INSANE game! He's coming out of his shit cast and being reborn
James Bradberry IV is actually the strongest player in the entire NFL. Force more fumbles please. Please.
HOLY GIANT SHIT! We've finished the regular season with a W for the first time in... lets just say a long time. Gudda may have made us wait, but we sure made him pay, winning the game 42-21!
Daniel Jones gave his older brother the controller because godDAMN he was on fire! 217 for 4 TDs and 0 INTS!!!!!! Literally never before seen action from Danny. We literally need to play like this in our next game, because WE'RE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!
Saquon was a bit of a non-factor today. In his place we had JRIII and Evan Engram step up to the plate. Both combined for 174 yards and 3 TDs. Saquon said he had "cramps". Yeah cramps my ass, guy's over here lookin like Lamar Jackson. Hopefully he can take a fat shit and get back to normal because GODDAMN he sucked.
OH MY GOD OUR YOUNGSTERS STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER (besides Brenton. Love you baby, stay ready for playoffs). Artie Patton had his coming out party today as he had 2 sacks, most in his career so far. Azeez and Dexter also had a sack each. Defense went crazy. Aaron Bailey, second year MLB, had his first ever INT of his career and it was a great one.
Terrell Edmunds told us "WTF IS ALL THIS SHIT WITH BrEnToN??? MAN HAS ONE GOOD YEAR AND YOU JERK HIM OFF FOR IT??? BITCH I GOT 5 FF, 5 INTs AND A TD!!" And he sure backed that up today! 1 Fumble, 1 INT and a TD today!
Current Surprises:
Daniel Jones didn't play like the Gigantic pile of an elephant's regurgitated shit today
Saquon Barkley took Daniel Jones' spot as the biggest piece of crap on the team. His "cramps" should be gone tomorrow
Artie Patton with his new superstar ability had 2 sacks on the day and combined with his DL teammates for 5 on the day
Aaron Bailey caught the first INT of his career
Terrell Edmunds is getting his name talked about again with a FF and an INT on the day
A bit sketchy at first, but defecation reigns supreme vs The Cheesesteaks. Daniel Jones, this game, has an INT/TD ratio worse than Mr. 30/30. God I hate this man. I will find any way possible to shit on Daniel Jones. Dude is so bad he makes Cameron Heyward look like his former 92 overall self.
Speaking of which, the literal old ass, rickety ass skeleton (with 330 lbs on muscle) himself scored big with 2 sacks on the day. Wtf? With Artie patton and Azeez Ojulari off the edge, how the FUCK is the man older than Moses getting more sacks in a game? Insanity.
As per usual, Sir. Saquon Barkley keeps this bag of shits afloat like a fucking clogged toilet. Over 200 APYDs is just normal for him. I believe he's first in MVP votes so far, as well as being the league's second leading rusher (and the Giant's 3rd highest in receiving yards).
The man, the myth, the... well, he's a man... uhhhhh.... BRENTON. HE IS THE ALMIGHTY SAVIOR! HE SHALL RAISE THIS TEAM FROM THE ASHES OF LAST SEASON AND FORCE A FUMBLE A GAME FROM NOW TILL THE END OF TIME! He forced another one against Philly. Did we capitalize on it? I have no clue LMAO, but he sure did it. Could've gotten an INT but he couldn't quite get there. He's strong, but a statue (but a greek statue that's fucking shredded)
Going up against WFT now with a new head coach. We're going to try our absolute DAMNDEST to win. This is for the division (most likely). Graham Gano will most likely be sitting this one out due to his PTSD. All he sees now is Chase Young. That's why his kick power has been dropping. Every time he steps up, he sees the glowing yellow eyes of Young. Rookie Greg McLean shall be starting! Lord help us vs Gibson
Current Surprises:
Greg McLean (R) will be starting vs WFT due to PTSD
Cameron Heyward recorded 2 sacks last game, Azeez Ojulari leads the team with 6
Artie Patton received Secure Tackler as his first superstar ability. Not bad!
Disgusting. The New JERSEY Giants were fucking disgusting. Never wanted to set my eyes on them... Ever.
But seeing as the two teams left available when I joined were the PATRIOTS (ew, wtf?) or the Giant Shits? Like how am I not going to take the steaming hot pile of poop. Seems like a cut and dry case to me.
I think we'll skip over the year I lost to Rice and DEFINITELY skip over the year I missed playoffs and we'll just fast forward to right now. Week 15, baby. Our Giants are currently 10-4, with playoff hopes heightened after last year's fiasco. If we win 2/3 of our last games, we should be good to go! That being said, HC Gudda is always (usually... Sometimes.... occasionally?) a tough opponent, so we can't take any game for granted
Current Surprises:
SAQUON BARKLEY IS RUSHING! I REPEAT! SAQUON BARKLEY IS RUSHING. With 1,500+ Rushing yards on the year and almost 3,000 all purpose, it's safe to say he's carrying our team. No matter what Danny Dimes fans have to say. God Daniel sucks... He's the biggest piece of shit on this team.
Leanord Williams: This man has not set foot on the football field since Week 2, I believe. He's an absolute stud, but with the signing of Cameron Heyward and Dexter Lawrence being resigned, there's just not really room for him on our 4-3 team.
John Ross III: Holy fuck I love this dude. If there was a shiniest turd on this team, it's absolutely John Ross III. Man has snagged 1,300+ yards this year. The closest actual receiver being Kenny G (sax) at around 500... He's been a real asset to our team and there's no way I trade him any time soon.
Brenton Porter: THIS GUY!!!! 5 Fumbles, 5 TFLs, 40+ Tackles... Should be DROY by FAR. Absolute breakout season (with no actual breakouts). He's an absolute stud. Being a box safety playing deep, he's able to sprint downhill, full speed, and knock the soul out of whomever has the ball. He's practically a fucking mercenary.
Graham Gano: Unfortunately, we'll be saying goodbye to Mr. Gano after this season. Gano has made a significant impact on our team, but the way it's looking, his kick power is only going to go down. So say hello to...
Greg McLean: Rookie 93 KPW. Enough said.
Well, I'll see you all after the Eagles game. Should be fun! Unless we lose. Everyone knows Madden is ONLY fun when you win