Giant Shits: An Insane Season Comeback
by LittleNewbs | 3 years ago | 3 Comments
Well we're back. I wasn't going to write blogs anymore but... I've decided the Twitter is for professionalism and this is for my raw, unedited opinions. I think this one is going to be more of a season recap.
Boy howdy this 2024 season started out real well! I had a wonderful opening game beating, arguably, the best team in the division 35-22. This dude is just a total dick, but you'll learn that later on... It was a tough-ish game, but I was more than excited to use my new toys. I don't think there's a world that I don't win my opener, simply because I'm WAY too excited to play with my new players. Like Ja'Darius Calloway? Hello??? 93 speed and 6'4"???? Yes please. God I want a breakout with him so bad. Every season has it's own special player. 2021 had Logan Ryan, 2022 had John Ross III, 2023 had Brenton the Savior, and 2024 had Ja'Darius Calloway. I force fed him like crazy. Mayyyyyyybe a little too much... That's the cause of a lot of my losses this year.
I'm gonna skip over game two because it was a CPU game and nobody really wants to hear about that.
These next few games were... HELL ON EARTH! OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL DANIEL JONES! I'M SAYIN, KILL DANIEL JONES!!!!! Over the next 4 games, this man had a TD/INT ratio under 50%!!! Over 4 games! You're telling me this team made playoffs?? The game vs the Bucs was infuriating! He controlled the ball and I threw for 91 YDs and 1 INT.... I had the ball for LESS THAT A QUARTER!! This man played the most boring ass football I had ever seen. Was it sim? Yes. Was it good? Yes. Was it the worst thing I had ever experienced in my life?? Yes. Yes it was. During the heated times in the midst of a 4 game losing streak, a fight broke out between JRIII at practice. Later, in a press conference, Ja'Darius would go on to say that he felt that JRIII gaslighting and manipulating him because he's a little tiny baby bitch, and JRIII called Ja'Darius a... great receiver? Yeah, it was fuckin' weird. Ja'Darius must've been on a shit ton of lean bc goddamn he was seeing shit. Through all this, Saquon is over here sitting on the sideline wondering why his name isn't being called. But he isn't angry, no, Saquon mf Barkley understands that this turf is his, it's only a matter of time before everyone else realizes that as well. And sure enough, they did.
During all this, HC AJ Newbs, MYSELF (GASP!), was going through some hard stuff. Some family stuff was going on, something about cancer and mom? Idfk, but I was going through it. And yeah, family shit happens, but this is MADDEN! If I don't win in Madden, I don't fucking win in LIFE. So I knew I had to do something. That's when I slowly turned my gaze to Sa-quads Barkley. Sitting there. Beaty-eyed. Waiting to be called on to give his answer to our problem. So I set my ego aside and called his number 8 times the next game (seems like a few times, but he got the job done). WADDYA KNOW! THE FUCKIN MAN PULLS OUT 114 YDS AND 2 TDs OUTTA HIS ASS AGAINST A TEAM THAT WAS PERFECT THE PREVIOUS YEAR! God I'm weird for not using him. Just an absolute weirdo. Anyway, the next week we lost to Gudda, and the cycle continues. Yeah losing sucks and all... But to a divisional rival? He absolutely figured something out, because he was playing like he knew my every move. I've learned my lesson now about not underestimating that son of a bitch. After that game, I went directly back into that depression. I wrote, I think, a five tweet long thread about my hatrid of this game Madden. My problem was I was playing to have fun, to upgrade certain players. But I can't do that. I can have a ton of fun while playing to win, I just didn't see it at the time. I was in a slump, losing in SMLP and other leagues I coached in, and it would take an insane W to get back on track.
And an insane W is what we got, ladies and gents. On the team's way to the game, I sat all my players down and gave them a bit of a pep talk. Well, pep talk is a little bit sugarcoat-ey... I screamed... I screamed a ton. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted our savior Saquon to take the ball, I wanted Daniel to be patient and throw to his checkdowns if needed. And boy did they deliver. In, quite possibly, our biggest win of the entire season, Saquon had 182 total yards and two TDs and Evan Engram had 125 and 3 TDs! That's all we needed to get everything back in order. All of a sudden, JC and JRIII were friends again, Brenton was playing out of his mind again (getting 2 PICK 6s IN ONE GAME!) and Daniel Jones was... well he was still the worst thing ever thought of by mankind, but he wasn't losing, so I'm willing to... forgive him... barely... From that moment, I declared that I would win out, which I practically had to do in order to get into the playoffs. 6 wins might be fine in the cupcake AFC, but in the NFC? Nah bitch, you are absolutely fucked if you have a 2-6 record... Most of the time...
Going on to win the next 5 games, things were looking way up for our Giants. However, @ 11:00 p.m., I got a "u up?" text from the HC of the Falcons. Now usually I don't respond to these, I mean, I have a beautiful girlfriend, why would I respond to a u up text... But this time, reason had left. You know what they say, when you're really itching to... play... you lose sight of your reason. So I went downstairs and met him on Madden... anddddddd I paid for it. Harshly. In a season where I needed to win every single game, I lost. Now at an 8-7 record, the plot thickened. As soon as I got home the next day, I checked playoff scenarios. It appeared that the COACHLESS Seahawks currently held the #7 seed. Nobody knows how, but it sure did happen. I had to win both my remaining games. The problem? My ghost, the thing that has fueled my entire winning streak, my loss to Gudda, was about to come right back to face me. Right after taking care of a non-factor Titans team in a "Super" Bowl rematch (hi NYT!), I had one final game before the playoffs. A must win. Now, unfortunately, I let up 122 rushing yards, which normally is horrible. A guarenteed loss. However, it's incredible that we ended up WINNING the game, putting us in the playoffs!!! But... even worse than facing Gudda in a clutch scenario, facing WFT in a clutch scenario.
Now there's some beef between myself and the self-proclaimed "king". Whomever told him he's a "king" was wildly mistaken. After our first game, no GG, already a bad sign. After the game, he decided to let me know he's considering retiring from the league. Now, I can't say I encouraged it... But I didn't DIScourage it........ Once we finished our second game, I sent a gg, and this is what happened:
"Gg lil bro. Our first game I was in a hotel. Finally at home, in my own setting, in my own chair. I can focus more," Ke replied. He was clearly upset about losing to a 17 year old lil bitch boy like me.
"Damn, didn't have to make me feel bad about our last game," I shot back. I knew, he was upset, so I wanted to see what his reply would be. If he was a dick, I'd try my best to make him feel really fuckin weird.
"Nah you had me mad as hell." Ooooooo this is gonna be fun!
"Why lol? I didn't do anything," This was absolutely going to bait his ass.
"Cause you beat me and my ass hurt sitting in the hotel chair tryna squint to play."
"Bitch I play on my laptop. Kinda got you beat there," This is the kind of man who HATES getting one uped. I could tell. Being an actor myself, I knew he would hate it if someone were to take his precious attention away from him.
"Then you went in group and was like 'I won'... I was like 'I can't wait til I get hoe and play his ass... now we even. I'm like Michael Jordan, I find anything to take personally," He whipped. What the fuck? Did this man just compare himself to the GOAT???? I'm sorry, but anyone who compares themselves to Michael fucking Jordan is a dumbass. Like seriously man, no you're not. Michael Jordan doesn't fucking act like this. Ke over here acting like Daniel Jones godDAMN. "Literally how I'm able to win in life I can find inspiration from anything."
I decided to just get real with him: "Well don't tell me that... Dawg I'm not gonna lie this is hella annoying right now. I appreciate getting inspiration, but what is this bullshit about you treating me like a villain?"
He (digitally) stared into my soul and said, "You are my villain. You have a ring. So sit the fuck back and let me get one,". Welp, now I know that this man is certifiably insane and a certified dumbass. But I decided there was no reason to not play the villain if he's gonna treat me like that.
"Well fuck you, then. Not gonna take our games lightly anymore. I guess you'll see when I fuck you up in playoffs. Should be a good game, but I'm winning." And that was the end of that. I had said my peace. I knew that I needed to destroy his ass in the playoffs to get rid of this gaslighting weirdo... For good.
The game started off with a two play drive for him, TD. Not exactly the start I was hoping for. Even worse, I threw an INT on the very next drive which he was able to score off of. I was playing with my family in the room, and they were all shitting on me fr fr.
"How are you even in the playoffs LOL!" my sister exlaimed. She always seems to be watching when I'm doing poorly. My mom also heckled me. My dad was the only one who believed in me. I don't really know why, but... Luckily, I was able to drive down the field, mythotically, burning 4:00 off the clock and score right back. TD pass to Saquon Barkley. Now, I've strayed from passing to Saquon for the longest time. People were figuring it out, and most of all, it wasn't the most sim-like thing to do. But this game, with this backstory, I'd take ANY check down I could. 100%. The very next drive I decided to user Jayon Brown because he had been running the ball quite a bit, and with secure tackler, it's important I'm there to dive for the ballcarrier. I sprint in to shoot the gap, but it's a pass! Play action! I got off my block, and as soon as I did, BAM! Interception!! The turning point! Very next play, rushing touchdown to Saquon. The way it should be. The "king" ended up stalling out at the end of the half and kicked a field goal. Trailing 14-17 at the half. As it turns out, however... THAT WAS THE LAST TIME HE'D BE SCORING!! We went on a RUN, rushing another TD with Saquon and passing one to the ROOKIE Ja'Darius Calloway! The team was performing as it should be! So exciting. I could tell when there was 6 minutes left in the 4th and he was running the ball, he gave up. I fucking rejoiced, I shouted "IN YOUR FACE!" to my mom and went and hugged my dad. I was running around the house freaking the fuck out. The best part? I go to send him GG and, whaddya know, he left the league. I had gotten rid of this asshole for good. Finally. No more treating me like the villain (except you, Biz), no more bitching about me being happy about a win. None of it. He's gone forever thank god.
Now on to the divisional matchup. Alex "Jones" Fink. There's a bit of history behind this game. In our first meeting, he won on an INT that was due to a throw out of sack. It was a cover 3 bomb, which I'm NOT good at, and it was undertrown. In hindsight, just a poor read. Our second meeting was in the 2023 Divisional game, in which we both played INSANELY well, but I emerged victorious after Adoree Jackson secured the INT of his life. In 2024, he whooped my lil ass by a ton, but that's beside the point, what matters is this game. And everything riding on it. Pride, bragging rights, a possible superbowl win. I knew in order to win this game, I had to run the ball, and throw to the flats. BOY DID THAT FLY OUT THE WINDOW!!! First drive, TD, second? TD, third? TD! This game was a fucking shootout that would only be rivaled by my 2022 week 1 matchup with Cowboys (r.i.p. Blades). End of the third quarter, I decide I need to slow my team on down. Run the ball, short passes, stay disciplined. Unfortunately, I decided to play it too short, having no options deep. So when I surveyed the field and found no one open, I threw it. The SECOND the ball left my hand I thought "OH GOD, WHY DID I DO THAT!?" It went directly into the hands of his linebacker. The rest was history. I tried my best to keep up but there was no hope. I hadn't stopped him all game, why would I be able to now? I lost and quickly turned off my PS5. I was sad, but proud of the way my team performed. They stepped up to the challenge of the super bowl champions, and did it with a smile on their faces. I knew then that this next season, 2025, was going to be our year.
This is our year.
Thank you for reading! Go get your team a SuperBowl too! (Unless your team isn't the Giants)