Daddy Leagues -

2019-03-04

Gay Pride Parade Grand Marshall: Jared Goff

Despite a record of 3 wins and 1 loss, Jared Goff has established himself as one of the worst QBs in the league. There are 34 other quarterbacks with better passing and TD thrown than Mr. Goff. In a league with only 32 teams, that is not a good thing. Goff has been coming in early and staying late to study film. The only problem is the film he is studying is gritty gay porn from Malaysia. The borderline snuff films are not for the weak of mind. When asked to comment Goff replied, "it could be worse, I have focused on not watching so much homeless person porn." In recognition of his efforts Goff will be headlining the West Hollywood Gay Pride Parade this Sunday morning. Hopefully he leaves the assless chaps at the Motel 6 before arriving at the stadium to face the Seahawks.

2019-02-25

Rams big D comes though

The LA Rams and their powerful D took on the Raiders and their mighty D. It went back and forth, up and down between the two teams for nearly 60 minutes. In the end the Rams finished off the Raiders with a punishing final blow. The blow left the Raiders gasping for air and in shock as the Rams took to their knees in the final moments of the physical matchup. A LGBTQ parade has been scheduled to honor the victors.

2018-12-26

Needed: Heroin and Fentanyl

Therre s a illict drug shortage in southern Louisiana. The Saints are on a two game skid with no hope in sight; much like the employment situation. The Saints received a beating akin to that of a hooker from her pimp. Their rookie QB played about as well as an armless hooker giving a rub n' tug. At some point a delivery of drugs will arrive from the southern boarder to ease the suffering of the city, until then moonshine and menthol cigarettes will have to provide a distraction from the pain and suffering.

2018-12-22

Somehow, Someway

The Saints are somehow 2-1, someway they have overcome horrible offensive play, especially from their rookie QB and sub par rushing attack. It resembles their fans, they have no money for the basic necessities of life like food, housing and a toothbrush, yet they have money for fake gold teeth, rims for their soon to be repossessed cars and crack cocaine. It is a true Christmas miracle in New Orleans.

2018-12-17

Dumpster Fire in N.O.

The smell of burning garbage filled the air in the Big Easy, with that smell brought new hope to the citizens of this well below average city. Their beloved Saints didn't make the playoffs after a year of bad luck and unfortunate events. Drew Brees left the team after being held hostage for over a decade in an inept franchise and city. A new QB and a new hope of better days ahead for the city that would be better off being fire bombed with napalm. One can only hope that napalm would do the trick.Hope is all that is left.

2018-12-05

The Smell in the Air

The familiar smell that all New Orleans residents, visitirs and anyone who comes within 50 miles of the city limits is so familiar with. But with that smell is also a sound, a sort of hissing sound. Along with the smell of urine is the sound of the Saints franchise pissing away their season with a pathetic loss to the Panthers. The smell, which isn't just a regular morning piss scent, but as one lifelong resident summarized, "it's the smell of a port o potty left out in the sun in 100 degree weather just after an asparagus festival". Now that there is the added inference of the actual piss hitting the water sound, the city residents have one more reason to be proud of their well below average city.

2018-11-16

N.O. Flying High

The sound of a flame heating up a crack pipe, the sizzle of heroin melting in a spoon are the type of highs that the city is used to. A naturally depressing city that isn't even high enough to sit above sea level, city residents take every opportunity to get as high as possible. A new high was found when the Saints remained undefeated. In the rich part of the city, FEMA trailers and mobile homes were chanting the familiar chant of "who Dat" for over an hour after the victory. It eventually turned into a chant of "who gat" as in "who gat the crack pipe", but for a brief moment there was celebration minus illict drugs in the bayou.

2018-11-09

Home Sweet Home

There was a strange feeling in the new Saints stadium. Something was off. The freshly painted walls, the clean bathrooms and the shiny corridors felt too clean to all fans. It wasn't until 4 minutes before kickoff that the strange feeling subsided and Saints fans finally felt like it was indeed their new home. Randall Jenkins, an unemployed Saints fan and father of around 4 kids urinated on the concourse wall, just outside of section 209. It finally felt like home! The stadium was now part if the city. A victory over the Texans made the day even better for the 17 fans that remained sober enough to remember the game.

2018-10-12

Disappointment in N.O.

A welfare check coming a day late, mugging an old lady only to be mugged yourself a few minutes later and the liquor store being out of malt beer are simr of the only things that may be as disappointing as the Saints losing two games in a row on last second field goals. Life isn't easy on the bayou, that's why crack cocaine was invented. So scrounge through the garbage dumpsters, collect your aluminum cans, take your proceeds and walk 10 feet to the nearest crack dealer and let your mind rest. Tomorrow is a new day to be disappointed all over again by the fact you reside in Southern Louisiana. #dimebagsanddisappointment

2018-10-10

Hurricane Katrina

Question: How long can a city use a natural event as an excuse of why their wretched, impoverished, crime-filled, STD laden, ass-smelling, uneducated, garbage dump (that's being generous), drunken, wanna-be French speaking city is the way it is? Answer: Who knows? It's been 13 years and still counting. Not a minute goes by someone doesn't blame Hurricane Katrina for some problem the city or their residents have. Hiroshima and Nagasaki we're rebuilt after having an atomic bomb dropped on then in just 8 years. Baghdad has had a better recovery record than New Orleans. It only took the Ravens 1 minute and 48 seconds to drive down the field and destroy the Saints on a game winning FG. It is a guarantee that it won't take the Saints 13+ years to recover. Perhaps the Saints can inspire their city to finally have half the fighting spirit of a former Chris Brown girlfriend. #hopeandprayers

2018-10-06

N.O. Residents Stunned

Success is hard to find it New Orleans. Defeat often comes to residents in many forms- Dr. Seuss books, elementary school and employment applications. These things have frustrated the people of N.O. for decades. For a brief moment on Sunday, Saints fans enjoyed a victory. Positive results usually only come in the form of STD tests, so this is big news for the city. Looting, crack sales and petty theft are expected to resume normally on Monday afternoon, or whenever the moonshine and barbiturates wear off.

2018-10-05

Saints Victory lead to Inspiration

There was a unique smell that filled the air in the New Orleans this past week. Imagine the smell of a Port-o-Potty combined with the aroma of a pile of rotten banana peels, now add in the smell of VICTORY. The delightful scent of the city air brought the residents to their front porches and city streets to consume their boudin, sweet tea and crack cocaine. One local panhandler even went as far to say that the Saints victory gave him hope and inspiration to push the physical limits of his body to add even more fentanyl to his already robust dose of meth. The Saints are a true inspiration to all!

2018-10-03

Joke of the Day

When traveling from Texas to New Orleans, a simple way to find New Orleans without using a map or GPS is to just follow the smell of shit to the east, then head south until you step in shit. You are then in N.O. Now, as promised, the Joke of the Day: 6 combined fumbles in the ATL/NO games, all by the quarterbacks. The Falcons came out the victor in a game that was not as close as the score indicated. 31-24. Obscenities and insults yelled from the Falcons fan base certainly rattled Saints players, not the actual context of the words spoken, but the clarity and obvious basic grasp of the English language is what threw them off.

2018-09-29

Who Day Nation take time off

On Sunday, for a brief 8 minute window of time, liquor store robberies, muggings and voodoo spells ceased as a way to celebrate the Saints win over the Browns of Cleveland. The seven Cleveland Brown in attendance (despite winning tickets via a Bum Fight competition) we're anxious to get back on the Greyhound bus back to Cleveland stating, "how do these people live in a city that smells like a racoons anus". The Who Dat Nation had never heard such a compliment. A stabbing of a random bystander took place to honor the occasion.

2018-09-28

Relief in the Big Easy

Crime, poverty and the stench of raw sewage is what New Orleans is famous for. Beads, and French cuisine can only distract you from the fact that you reside in the "Taint of the South" for so long. Add the Saints week 1 victory over the Bucs as another temporary relief. Come monday morning though it's back to the welfare line and soup kitchen for the Who Dat Nation. A victory week 2 versus the Browns may inspire some residents to seek gainful employment. Stay tuned!

DirtyMullet

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