Today we talk to Orlando Wizards’ owner Parker to discuss his week one victory over the rival Houston Oilers.
1. Here in season 5 you have finally claimed a win over Seth. What would you like to say to Seth and your haters?
A: “Many people forget that Seth used to be my little bitch. I would slap his bitch ass around like a leather-dawning dominatrix and make his beg for more. Now, in the new Madden, Seth discovered an exploit, and started using 5 hot routes a game like a MUT bitch. I just think it’s funny that now that the rules are set to make the game more sim, I beat him in our first game of the season. Eat my ass, greenduk.”
2. What were the keys to winning that game? Did you approach it any differently?
A: “I approached this game like any other, and banked on the fact that Seth wouldn’t be able to call 8104720 hot routes per play like usual. Then, I used the tips I got from [user deleted] on defense, and tried to mix up playcall and limit predictability. A mixture of these things serviced me greatly, as greenbitch threw 4 picks, and my defense was ridiculously dominant.”
3. Did the roaches from your PS4 help you on the sticks?
A: “If there were roaches in my PS4, it wouldn’t be working. I am planning on delving into a serious lawsuit for libel against Seth Greenpenis, as his constant hammering of this false information has gone too far. But to answer your question, yea, they’re great MLB users.”
4. Near the end, the stream cut out (got turned off from embarrassment). What did we miss?
A: “AHAHAHAHAHA. Soooooo I believe it was on the 5 yard line. I got an immediate Saquon TD to make the game 20-17, kicked the ball off to him and he immediately got strip sacks at the 25 (lol), then I took as much time off the clock as possible and kicked a FG. That made it 23-17 with 1:13 left. Seth started off his drive well, getting from the 25 to my 34 in a weird ass fade catch. I then immediately subbed out my 88 speed FS for my 94 speed CB4. Next play he throws a pick to Kyle Gibson, and the game was iced. Without my defense, I don’t think I get that win.”
5. Are the Wizards the team to beat in the NFC East?
A: “That’s hard to say since it’s only Week 1, however, we believe that our SOS has decreased heavily, as we have the opportunity to face off against the AFC South. That will result in 4 free wins to replace the 4 free losses served out by the NFC South. The games against greenfuckingpussy are crucial, and taking the first one may boost us to relevance. I might get more interviews! Watch out for the Bosas tho, that team is dangerous...”
Thanks for the interview Parker! I for one, am eagerly awaiting for the argument in chat to start after Seth reads this.
We sit down with new Barons owner YoungJwo to discuss his team’s success and his quest to complete a perfect season.
1. In your first season as Barons owner, you're undefeated and have reached the promise land, which former barons owner (lol) failed to do. What has been the key to your success?
A: “Ronald Jones has been a massive part of my success, I can’t lie. His ability to churn out yardage and make big plays has been a good chunk of my offense. I’d say the other part would be my defense. I’m constantly audibling (is that a word, who cares) to match their audibles, constantly changing things around and moving pieces.”
2. Raiders has been referred to as the MCM goat by some in the league. What is your game plan going in?
A: “Just do what we have all season. Get first downs, limit the opponents TDs.”
3. Should Alex just quit Madden forever after that?
A: “Nah, I know the memes are funny and it’s a good time to get jokes out against a guy you all know and love , but you have to feel for him. Made an honest mistake that ended up screwing him. I have no doubt if he stays in the league he’ll take my place next year. He’s the only one in the playoffs this season i felt I could lose to before the Bowl, he’s a great player. Alex please come back. Love you chief.”
4. Which player besides Ronald Jones has been most pivotal to your success?
A: “CJ Thorn, my DE. That man had some crazy games this year and I truly didn’t understand it, he’d get sacks almost instantly sometimes. His ability to get pressure helped everyone on the defense in a big way, very glad to have him on the roster.”
5. What is your favorite thing about MCM?
A: “The chat is very entertaining. You got Alex just cooling, Parker doing whatever he does, phaorah Vikings guy and Cowboys getting worked up for nothing, that makes me laugh. I know i like to joce a lot in chat, but i genuinely do enjoy the league. I’ll make sure my assistant gets a copy of this, need him to send it to the papers ASAP.”
Thanks Jwo and best of luck on your attempt at a perfect season and ring.
We sit down with the AFC Champs and former Super Champs YoungMexicon to discuss his upcoming Super bowl against the unbeaten Barons.
1. Being someone that has won a previous super bowl, what are you doing in efforts to prepare differently than you did season one?
A: “Season 1 I was playing Madden pretty much everyday on MUT and H2H, now I just play in this league. I've regressed hard in ability since then and didn’t expect to be in the SB at all, but I’ll probably lab some things so I don’t get completely embarrassed.”
2. Does this super bowl mean more to you than the first one?
A: “A little bit just because this dude talks a lot, is undefeated, and has a weird obsession to make my old division mate Pharoh his “assistant”. S1 I played against Ali who was always chill, until he broke the mercy rules I guess.”
3. Barons is undefeated and showcases a premier rushing attack, quick QB pressure, and speed all over. What's your plan for taking down the Barons?
A: “I’ve felt I’ve always been able to stop or at least contain high powered offenses in this league. I never allow a ton of points, I feel I play an old school kinda boring style. The plan is to stop the run and pray to the madden gods for sheds when he throws. On offense I’m just trying not to throw picks, play safe, and hope my defense carries me as usual.”
4. Should Alex just sell his PS4 after that embarrassment?
A: “That shit made me feel so bad for him, but yes. Tbh I haven’t been able to catch any of Barons’ games this year and have no idea how he plays besides the fact that Jones had 2k yards again. I was hoping to play Alex because I’ve played against him and have watched some of his games, so I have some idea of what his gameplan is.”
5. As a bit if a more low profile person in the league, you aren't in chat too often. Are you a lurker that reads or do you not check in to Parker, Seth, and Alex always arguing?
A: “I lurk the chat decently often. I'm a PC gamer first, have a ps4 just for sports games. So, I’m in a ton of discords with friends and various communities and checking them frequently. When their arguments get long as shit I just scroll through them, but a lot of times the chat makes for a nice poop read.”
Thank you Raiders and best of luck on your attempt for another ring!
Today we sit down with the Lord himself, Charrop, to discuss the Bears’ troublesome start and the rumors of rebellion in the league.
1. “After making it to the championship round, you're off to an abysmal start. What gives?”
A: “It was div round but so far our offense just cant get it together, we've had alot of issues with a couple specific defenses that seem popular in the league at the moment which are manhandling our 4 wide sets.”
2. “Looks like you're heading for a top pick. What direction are you looking to help retool your team?”
A: “We want to add the best player we can to help us win now”
3. “You made a huge move trading for Cooks, but it seems your offense has struggled to get going some weeks. What are your plans to help get the offense back on track?”
A: “Cooks has played well when given the chances we just need to do a better job of utilizing him.”
4. “Is it time to move on from [Olshansky]?”
A: “If you mean 2nd year QB Olshansky we are completely prepared to ride him to the end of this franchise, we love his growth so far.”
5. “The whole league is transported to a battle Royale arena. Who are you killing first and why?”
A: “Alex hes a wiener obv”
6. Reports of the league wanting a new commish are hitting the front office rn. Rob's phone is ringing nonstop. What are you going to do about these rumors?
A: “I am making a ban on Alex and the Cowboys soon to be oilers are gunna pay for it”
7. “What do you have to say about your lord and savior Robert Kraft?”
A: “Pc answer he a moron and made a dumb decision.
No fucks given answer this is gunna be turned into a big deal over some old guy getting a rub and tug”
Thank you Charrop for the interview and MMCMGA
Today we sit down with Titans owner Nick to discuss his teams dreadful start and what his plans are going forward.
1. After winning the AFC South last season, you have gotten off to a terrible start and now looks like you're out of playoff contention. What has gone wrong for you this season?
A: I think we can just chalk it up to a really tough schedule. Aside from one or two teams, our first seven games have featured some of the league's best teams - playoff teams - teams that can all contend for a Super Bowl. You always think you can beat any team, but those teams seem to have the edge on us.
2. Henry was a one man wrecking crew last season, what do you think has contributed to him not being effective this season?
A: I think it goes back to playing against really good teams. The defense in this league is top-notch and I think these teams have been able to keep Henry under wraps. He's still a focal point of our offense, but if he's not getting big yards, we're not afraid to try other things.
3. Give us the team on your schedule you see yourself getting your first win against.
A: The bye week may be the only week we can come out successful. But in all seriousness, I think we can beat any team and I'm sure our first win will come soon.
4. It seems like Mariota is being shopped, is this the start of a Titans rebuild? If not what's the reasoning?
A: We don't really like to comment on rumors. Mariota signed a contract with us and he's here to stay. Anything the front office is doing could just be them going through the motions. I don't buy into the whole having a bad year and shutting it down for a rebuild. We have some great young guys and we're gonna go out there and try to win games. If we can't win, we'll get ready for the draft and build through there.
5. Will you be attending Seth's bootcamp?
A:Seth has never been to the Super Bowl but wants to hold a training camp for other players? Laughable!!!!! But yeah, I'll be there L
6. Should I be hosting the camp instead?
A: Ehh, I think Raiders is the GOAT in this league. But anyone who has actually been to the Super Bowl is worthy of giving the plebs tips for getting better.
Thank you Titansiana and good luck getting that first win unless it is against me! Bussdown
Today we sit down with the owner of the London Black Knights to discuss his slow start to the season and accusations towards his guys.
1. After a disappointing start to the season to say the least, what are your plans to turn it around?
A: After a tough end to last season, we’ve had trouble getting off to a hot start this season. With the loss of a playmaker on each side of the ball to start our season, we couldn’t move the ball on offense or stop anything on defense. Things have gotten better since the return of Ross and Davenport, but in week 3 the football gods were not on our sides. 2 touchdowns given up on special teams is not acceptable, so we will be focusing on that in weeks to come, along with our red zone efficiency. We have a tough division, but it’s too early in the season to be worried yet.
2. The Brooklyn Barons have long given you trouble, and it seems as if it is continuing under new ownership. What are your plans to overcome your struggles against the juggernaut Barons?
A: The Barons have been our kryptonite so far in Magna Carta, but we don’t let that bother us. Missing your 2 best players against your division rivals is always going to be tough to overcome. Other guys need to step up when that happens, and that wasn’t the case. Look for us to bounce back in week 17, when it matters most.
3. After a scare in seeing all the key pieces needed to re-sign, it seems as if you'll have enough to keep your young core. Where did this money come from? Is there a secret London money Laundering operation?
A: As much as I wish there was a hidden laundering operation running, there isn’t. After viewing some of the contracts on our roster, there’s going to be some restructuring in the offseason. As a first time owner, I’m slowly learning about the income brought in by the team each year, and after a huge scare for the resigning periods, I think we will be okay this season.
4. How does Davenport keep getting away with PEDs? Is he stealing piss from wr Varaksa?
A: The best athlete on this roster is Alex Varaksa, as great as Davenport has been for us, he told us he wishes he can be more like Alex. He’s a big clubhouse guy who does everything he can for this team. Alex was a defensive end in his college days, and actually trains Davenport when he can. Marcus wouldn’t like this getting out, but he’s afraid of needles and whimpers at the site of them.
5. Give a way too early super bowl prediction not including the Black Knights.
A: Way too early super bowl prediction without the Black Knights? The ex New Orleans saints will win the Super Bowl.
6. Will Parker and Seth just quit and get married already?
A: Luckily for Seth, Parker is right in his age range. Parker, 16 years old and turning 17 this year, is at the prime age for Seth to start making his moves. After getting rejected by my sister, I wouldn’t be surprised if Seth is found in the shower with Parker sometime soon. Rumor has it, he has given Parker the nickname “Long Hardy”, but claims it is the name of one of his receivers to play it off. Might have to keep an eye on those guys.
Thanks you for the interview and good luck this season!
Today we sit down with Cowboys owner Jerry ParkersDad Jones to discuss his week one victory over the Wizards and his plans for the season.
1. What are your goals for this season? Were you satisfied with your previous season, and what do you plan to do differently this season?
A: My goal is to win a super bowl and anything less will just be another prototypical Cowboys failure. Fortunately it's an easy standard to maintain so either way we will be happy. I plan to not abuse Tate running as much as he got his OROY award that loves rushing TDS last year
2. Very close game with the wizards. Why the hell did Braxton Miller throw a pass in an NFL game?
A:You see I'm an OSU fan and getting the chance to let Braxton live out the glory that was robbed from him was tantalizing we even had internal talks about signing Carlos Hyde just for the game to relive old times..But alas it was also important to let's Blake try to catch his first touchdown against his son since we have seen a lot of good things from him and practice and I really wanted put him in a position to succeed; it just blew up in our face with him getting lucky and getting a swat on the first time we tried it when Blake was wide open
3. Your decision to try a hb pass instead of kneeling it out almost cost you the game. Why did you make that call?
A: We like taking risks for the enjoyment of the league and for Blake, he deserved this and Parker deserved to have it rubbed in since he was just barely getting by with saquan animations
4. Following this narrow escape, you play the defending champion cardinals who have appeared to not have lost a step. What are your plans to be successful in capturing a win?
A: I plan on not letting coach Patricia take cocaine before the game again this time so he won't call plays like a crack whore
5. Should you and Parker be caged during your games?
A: No, it is the lifeblood of the league for me to shit on Parker and have him rage during it. The cage is a dark dank place filled with feces and John Ross semen that a certain admin hid there for cloning his babies once he retires..it isn't suitable to be in there for more than a few minutes at a time
Well folks there ya have it, it’ll be interesting to follow the cowboys this season and see if his dreams can become reality.