Bored of your team? Sick of your terrible unis? Want a new stadium? 

Why not relocate?

With all the financial benefits of flushing your life savings down the toilet, terrible uniforms that look straight out of the bottom reaches of NFL Europe, and even worse logos that were probably designed by a blind 6 year old, Madden has provided the ability to relocate your team for a few years now.

For some reason, this is incredibly popular in LOA, and this time we limited it a little by holding a random draft (because everyone loves a random draft) and having folk select their new city - or not - from the list available. Outside of adding a little personal touch to your team, relocation is pretty woat, and 20 league members decided against it. Of the 12 who did relocate, the Titans, Jaguars and Chargers were at least sensible enough to keep their existing team name and unis.

This blog provides a quick rundown of who relocated where. But first, a quick look at what cities were not chosen, and are thus still available should anyone else decide to make The Move:

Toronto (blame Canada), Salt Lake City (£100 says Bolts will still move the Pats here), Chicago (some of the nicer logos and unis), Sacramento (enough with the California teams already),  Columbus (RIP Johnny), Portland (Cade chose them but spring break got in the way), Houston (Texas is pretty overcrowded at this point), and St. Louis (who actually wants to go back there?).

So, onto the actual relocations:

New York Jets  → Memphis Steamers: Opto finally thought of what everyone else is thinking and said 'Fuck The Jets... we're gonna be the Boats instead'. Black and red always makes for a sharp colour combination but, come on, the Steamers? Apparently river boats are a pretty big deal down there. Relocation rating: 4/10

Pittsburgh Steelers → London Bulldogs: One of two teams to move to England, the Bulldogs have some of the nicer relocation team unis. The whole 'red white and blue' thing keeps the ties to America too. But is it worth ditching those awesome Steeler colour rush outfits? At least Bulldogs are more fierce than a steel company. Relocation rating: 6/10

Cleveland Browns → Oklahoma City Bison(s): Once again the LOA fascination with the OKC Bison continues. This time Davey has been the victim instigator of a move to what is apparently known as The City Of Oklahoma City. Wtf?? The orange and blue combo works great for movie posters, but for an NFL team....? I guess it beats orange and brown. Relocation rating: 3/10

Tennessee Titans → Brooklyn Titans: There are only a few certainties in life: death, taxes, and Eric moving his team to Brooklyn. Nothing nicer than having your team in your backyard. Especially when they play in those lovely pastel blue colour rush unis. Relocation rating: 8/10

Jacksonville Jaguars → London Jaguars: Speaking of moving a team to your backyard - Kevi has ended the longstanding rumour of the Jags moving to London by, well, moving the Jags to London. Not that the jaguar has anything to do with England (unless they changed their logo to an F-Type). Relocation rating: 6/10

San Diego Chargers → Mexico City Chargers: I can't quite figure out why, but I thought a move to LA would have been on the cards here. At least they get to keep the Bolt persona. Do they even have electricity in Mexico?  Relocation rating: 6/10

Kansas City Chiefs → Toronto Mounties: Another inexplicably popular LOA relocation choice. The Mounties' gross unis amd weird logo make me wonder why the hell no-one would choose the awesome looking Huskies instead. Still, makes them a little more interesting than the Chiefs. Relocation rating: 5/10

Washington Redskins → Austin Desperados: This is a bit more like it! Another cool red and black combo with the added bonus of being less racist. I hope Keller went for the all-black with red trim. Texas is filling up a little, but it beats being the bloody Steamers! Relocation rating: 8/10

Philadelphia Eagles → Los Angeles Red Dragons: Dragons are cool and all but that name is a bit of a mouthful. A dull, largely grey uni for a team name that had so much potential. Why not add some wings? Or a helmet that breathes fire or something? Or, you know, make it RED?? Relocation rating: 3/10

Detroit Lions → Dublin Celtic Tigers: I can tell you from first hand experience that an NFL team will not work in Dublin. But hey, this is Madden, it doesn't have to make sense. Crap logo, but the green and black unis are a little saving grace. Sorry Matt, the Lions were cooler. Relocation rating: 4/10

Chicago Bears → San Antonio Dreadnaughts: Easily in my top 3 relocation unis, that navy and yellow is gorgeous. But come on, another boat team? For a city that's 150 miles from the sea? At least it's not the Marshalls again. Relocation rating: 5/10

Tampa Bay Buccaneers → Orlando Wizards: Ah Bobby. Top of my shitlist for choosing to relocate your team only to up and leave the league before the season even ended. Wizards are nice but they won't magic you back into my good books. Still a better name than Orlando Magic though. Relocation rating: 2/10

Mid season awards 2016

You get an award! You get an award! Everyone gets an award!

Note: most of these awards were allocated in the hours leading up to the trade deadline. Not all teams played an equal amount of games at this point.

The Unstoppable Force & Immovable Object Award - goes to the unstoppable, immovable San Diego Chargers (6-1). The Bolts are ranked 1st in both overall offense and overall defense. Everyone except Brad has struggled against them this year - Jacksonville did well to hold them to ‘just’ 23 points. Did I mention who their QB is?

The NFC’s Version Of The Chargers Award - goes to the Atlanta Falcons (6-1). Well, kind of. A couple of close calls and a loss to their divisional rival Panthers mean ATL have had to work harder to get to this point. They also have the worst rushing attack in the league. I promise, Brad isn’t cheesing.

The No Real Surprise Here Award - goes to the Pittsburgh Steelers (6-1). Easily one of the best offensive rosters in the league has stormed their way to a near-perfect start. Basically a ‘Chargers Lite’, but with only an above average D and Lev Bell taking up literally 94% of their running game. That can’t last, surely?

The FFS Jeff Award - goes to the Baltimore Ravens (6-1). Somehow the team who went #32 in the draft is up there with the best of them, in the hardest division in the league. Joe Flacco can’t have been that much of a liability, at least with the help of Jeff’s trademarked running back speed tearing up the field. They could’ve lost to the Jags though...

The 29 Year Old HBs Can Still Be Good Award - goes to the Carolina Panthers (5-2). Stewart’s 5 TDs and almost 5 YPC are leading this offense to the playoffs, on the Falcons’ coat-tails at least. Sending Luke Kuechly to the division’s leaders could be a deathwish, however.

The Surprise Package Award - goes to the Los Angeles Rams (5-2). Bats has always been one of the more hit or miss players in the LOA, but the fact he’s on course for a top playoff seed with the lowly Rams is impressive - though his schedule has hardly been difficult. It’s easy to jump on the Tavon Cheese™, but I feel Matt wants to prove people wrong by trading him to the Chargers.

The Gold Star! Nice Work! Award - goes to the Cleveland Browns (5-2). Davey will tell you otherwise, but he’s easily a top 5 player in the LOA, especially proven by keeping the lowly Browns competitive in a tough, tough division. Like recent years, the AFCN should be taking 3 teams to the playoffs - but this time, it won’t be the Bengals in that wildcard spot.

The 52 Guys Plus Tyreek Hill Award - goes to the Kansas City Chiefs (5-2). Was it a swerve? Eh, probably.

The 52 Guys Plus Matt Jones Award - goes to the Washington Redskins (5-3). Seriously just to continue the joke.

The Every Season Like Clockwork Award - goes to the New England Patriots (5-3). Even with the team shooting themselves in the foot on a weekly basis, owner President Trump has ensured the Pats lead the way in the easiest division in football. Brady’s 1:1 TD:Int ratio is out of character, but he has been helped by LeGarrette Blount on the ground (who may or may not actually play for the Titans). Speaking of which...

The Better Watch Yer Back, Mate Award - goes to the Tennessee Titans (5-3). Titan and company lead the way in a close division, where Derrick Henry is tearing it up on the ground but can’t catch for toffee. The newly-acquired Kelvin Benjamin should help in a passing game that leads the league in falling-down-after-the-catch (probably).

The Plucky Sons Of Guns Award - goes to the Jacksonville Jaguars (4-3). 0-3 to start the season (throw in a shutout v the best D in the league, and a deceiving sim L to Jeff), you have to worry. But the Jags have 4 straight wins, a ton of user LB ints, and an improved internet connection. They could struggle in the next couple of weeks against the Chiefs and Texans - but they were hardly the favourites against the Bears, Titans, Raiders...

The Crap Team, Good Record Award - goes to the San Francisco 49ers (4-3)... just about. Kaep is somehow one of the best QBs in the league (in yards-per-game) and the Niners secondary is racking up the interceptions. At the very least, a wildcard spot beckons.

The Quietly Getting On With It Award - goes to the Seattle Seahawks (4-3). Best in the league in terms of defensive yards conceded and tearing up the passing game. Can’t be too surprised, but Seattle won’t get to impose on their divisional rivals until the last 3 weeks of the season. The NFCW is headed for an exciting finish.

The Touchdowns For Everybody Award - goes to the Minnesota Vikings (4-3) and specifically Teddy Bridgewater. But seriously, how about that NFC North? Look at the next few teams in the standings (and in this list). It’s tight.

The Ultimate Split Personality Award - goes to the Chicago Bears (4-4). Will you lose one of the closest games of the year? Or will the Bears get blown out? Who knows? Whatever happens, Chicago will rack up some points.

The Thanks To Golden Tate, Even Dan Orlovsky Has A TD Award - goes to the Detroit Lions (4-4). Enough said? Without the electric wideout, the Lions would be in trouble.

The Almost As Polarising As The Bears Award - goes to the Green Bay Packers (3-3). The polar opposite of their divisional rivals, GB are defending well but struggling to rack up the yards on offense. With Aaron Rodgers at the helm though, this division is still there for the taking for Gary and co.

The Not Sure If We Need OBJ Award - goes to the New York Giants (3-4). Jake Brissett has impressed in his rookie year with the help of a young receiving corps and six TDs from his backfield. But there is a lot of work to be done to keep up with the best in the LOA.

The Invisible Man Award - goes to the Dallas Cowboys (3-4). Despite grabbing the #1 overall team draft pick, I still had to double check that Reed actually owned the Cowboys. About as average as it gets across the board, but at least Dak is tearing up the TD count.

The Hometown Discount Award - goes to the Denver Broncos (3-4). Another team filling out the middle of the pack. It’s hard to tell if Denver will hit playoff gold this year in a tough division, but Rac's offense is young and promising.

The Tampa Bay Jacksons Award - goes to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-4). DeSean is racking up most of TB’s yards but in a division with at least two playoff teams the Bucs have some work to do. 0-2 in the division so far doesn’t bode well.

The Comeback Kid (???) Award - goes to the Houston Texans (3-5). Nate’s back! Unfortunately, some Lamar Miller cheez doesn’t hide an inability to defend. Thankfully Houston’s division is tight af, and they still have 4 games to play against their AFCS rivals.

The Just Blame Your Division Award - goes to the Cincinnati Bengals (3-5). I had some joke here about Gingers and Andy Dalton, but now Cincy is owned by someone who calls themselves Teves. Welcome!

The Keep Trying Award - goes to the Miami Dolphins (2-5). An impotent start to the year, but now the Fish have put up 30+ points three weeks in a row - including 38 in a four-point loss to the unstoppable Steelers. It helps that Tanny is tied-third in the league in TD passes. And they have the Jets next.

The 2 Wins? That’s A Banner Award - goes to the Indianapolis Colts (2-5). (Sorry for the anti-Colts joke.) M1 has tried mixing things up with a very young team, but a stagnant offense and a leaky defense means he has hopes for a high draft pick. Yet the South is the closest division in the AFC. Things could change yet.

The Definitely A Top 3 Team Draft Pick Award - goes to the New Orleans Saints (2-5). One of the worst offenses in the league - surprisingly - isn’t helped by having the worst red zone percentage, and a nearly-as-bad third-down-conversion rate (per The Good, The Bad and The Ugly). And this is with a Hall Of Fame QB who could retire any year now.

The Oh, The Bills Exist Too Award - goes to the Buffalo Bills (2-6). Utterly unremarkable in every way, except for that one time where they decided to show up against their rivals from New Jersey. Which they do every year anyway. Edging out a win against the Rams shouldn’t stop the 30th ranked defense from grabbing a mid-top-10 draft pick.

The Relax, Huss Is Here Award - goes to the Oakland Raiders (2-6). No idea what was going on with previous owner Cade, who ‘led’ his team to a 1-6 record. LOA veteran Huss is here to pick up the pieces, but any postseason appearance might have to wait til next year.

The Here Have This Ball Award - goes to the Philadelphia Eagles (1-6). Poor old Carson Wentz has nearly 4 times as many interceptions as he does touchdowns (5:19) and his team have only hit the 15 points mark once. A shame for an above average defense. Philly need to start getting into the end zone.

The “Lads, It’s The Jets” Award - goes to the New York Jets (1-6). At least they beat the Cardinals. But hey, who hasn’t? (Answer: Dylan)

The Wooden Spoon Award - goes to the Arizona Cardinals (1-7) as is probably expected. I don’t know who Tyler is tbh, but somehow - somehow - he has the highest average total yards (and passing yards) per game but the 32nd ranked defense in the league. Either way, shame on you Dylan. Shame on you.

Sitting in the rain outside one of the millions of Starbucks outlets surrounding CenturyLink Field, I start to take in my surroundings. There's a man running down the street. A lady inside the coffee branch reading a book. A bunch of hipsters taking up an entire picnic bench in the park across the road. The running man, several hundred yards away, continues to run.

He gets closer and closer as the seconds tick by. I wonder what the rush is? Meanwhile, I'm waiting for my interviewee to show up. Just the usual bye week catch-up, nothing too drastic. He's late, though. I squint, and it turns out the runner is my guest. At least he's making an effort to get here on time. He continues to run. Across a busy road with the traffic whizzing past him. Knocking over an old lady. Leapfrogging a street sweeper.

He's still running. He's within 30 yards of me now. If he gets here quickly enough, his coffee might still be warm. Last time I buy a coffee for one of my guests. Across another road, juking past a startled business-type fellow, he runs and runs and runs.

And runs. Straight past me. I try and catch a word with Thomas Rawls as he whizzes past, but he just grabs his coffee, barely acknowledging I exist. And he keeps going. Through the rain, across another road, approaching a railway crossing in the distance. A railway crossing with the barriers down.

Now's my chance. He'll stop here and I can grab a word. Approaching the railway crossing, Rawls shows no signs of letting up. The warning signals 'ding' away. To no-one's surprise, Rawls charges straight through the barrier, snapping it clean in two. 

And gets hit by an oncoming train. Several tons of steel doing upwards of 100mph brush through the running back like a mite under a foot.

And he gets up. 

And he runs.

- "Settle down lads" - Byron Jones is one of a handful of constants in an ever-changing Cowboys team 

Looking around the Dallas Cowboys locker room, something immediately becomes obvious in its absence. Not one locker is labelled with the name and number of a quarterback. Understandable, really - since Tony Romo was dropped at the midway point two seasons ago, Dallas have started 3,823 different signal callers with no sign of letting up.

Andy Dalton is the latest victim incumbent, and with Brock Osweiler doing so averagely okay toward the end of last season, you have to wonder what owner Geoff 'Jeff' Jeffries hopes to acheive with such an active revolving door at the most important position in sports. Personally? Haven't a clue, this series is about how teams spend their bye weeks.

Barring myself, this locker room is also absent of life. I have it on good authority that the 'Boys spend a few days of their bye in Mexico for some reason. So there's no player-watching or interview-conducting to be had this week. Let's have a little look around and see what we can find.

• A noticeboard on one wall has four A4 printouts in its center - each containing an NFC East division table from the last four years. (I assume this season's table is updated each week.) Great motivation. Dallas are yet to have a winning season under Jeff and this serves as a constant reminder of how mediocre things have been.

• One corner contains a monitor, seemingly playing a video on an endless loop. Even with the locker room empty, this video serves as a reminder of better times, and what this team are capable of - it's the highlight reel from their classic 41-38 defeat to the Seahawks last year. Yes, they still lost. 

• Another wall is taken up almost entirely by a giant star. Strange, I thought. Why would these guys have a huge golden star containing a white letter M in their locker room? You'd think Jeff wouldn't let the Marshalls get under his team's skin, but here we are.

Dallas need to realise - Texas is a crowded state at the moment. The two Houston teams in the AFC, and the NFC's Cowboys, Marhsalls and new kids on the block in Austin have ensured there'll be competition for fans and viewers alike over the coming years. The Cowboys need all the motivation they can get in order to be the big dog in this state once again.

- Andrew Luck takes a quick nap on the practice field before our chat.

Andrew Luck is finally a happy man. Unwanted by the River Hogs, abused by the ownership of the Mounties (supposedly it involved an aubergine), the good-hearted T. E. Naylor went all in on the Bearded Wonder™ while hunting for a face of the franchise back in SLC. It worked out pretty well.

The former San Diego Chargers - officially the most average team in the LOA - upped sticks twice in three seasons and now seem settled in Chicago. I spoke to Luck after his most recent practice to find out what he thinks of the move and, of course, how he spends his bye week.

Hi Andrew. I see you're in full uniform despite not having a game for another 9 days.

AL: Yes, I never take it off. I eat in it, I sleep in it. I practice in it, I nap in it. I love this team, I love this city, I love the owner for looking after me and rescuing me from that eggplanty hell in Toronto. Mr. Naylor is awesome. 

So I hear. Nice to see you're enjoying yourself. What do you like most about Chicago?

AL: Buildings. Lots of tall buildings. Round skyscrapers, angular skyscrapers, wavy skyscrapers. The architecture is amazing, have you seen that cool mirror ball sculpture thing in the park? It was in Watch Dogs. It looks like a shiny metallic tear of hope. Also the pizza is pretty good.

Right. What's your favourite pizza?

AL: Anything with sausage. I grew up in Germany, you know? 

Of course. And London. I'm from London, did you know that?

AL: Don't care.

...Ok. How's your bye week going?

AL: Not bad. I was practising my speed WR cheese with Tavon Austin earlier, did you see that? He's so quick. He and Logan [Daniels] are ridonk. Now I can exploit slow CBs just like everyone else. We also worked on my running game, I'm hoping to do more than just sneak up the middle this season.

How's that going for you?

AL: 2 rushing attempts for -1 yard and a touchdown. 

Wonderful. What do you like to do on your time off?

AL: Sometimes I tend to my beard but the helmet gets in the way. Mr. Naylor is trying to convert everyone to LDS, that's going down quite well, and I'm giving sausage-making classes to some of the rookies. I grew up in Germany, you know?

You said. Do you have a favourite German beer?

AL: No. of course not, you fool! I'm an athlete and possibly a Mormon. This interview is over.

Oh. Ok then. Thank you for your time, Andrew.

Andrew storms off before I finish my sentence, presumably to cook up a nice sausage casserole. I doubt it will contain any aubergine.

This new series focuses on one of the week's bye teams. What goes on behind the scenes at an LOA NFL team? Let's find out.

I walk into the club kitchen and pull up a seat at one of the window tables. It's a nice day out - it's September, we're in the deep south and the sun is out. I hear a sizzling noise in the background and, as I'm the only one here, I assume it's my cooked-to-order bacon sandwich.

Looking out to the practice field and as ever, it's a busy one. Rookie QB Justin Sherman is going through drills with his tight ends, a smug smile on his face - Garret Grayson is gone, he knows this starting spot is his and he will be the face of this franchise for years to come. You can't blame him for a bit of smugness. 

Sherman has another reason to be happy - his team are 3-0 after impressive wins over division rivals Atlanta and Austin, and a frankly odd win over those plucky Voyagers everyone loves to love. This team spirit carries over to the defensive backs on the other side of the training pitch. 3-int Tyler 'Patty' Patmon and his life partner Delvin 'The Bro' Breaux share a joke over a refreshing swig of Gatorade.

But the real standout is the one that's missing from practice. Club owner, head coach, scouting guy, and all-round Pokémon lover Nate [surname redacted] is nowhere to be seen. Is he plotting another big time trade with the ever-hungry Bison? Is he in some deep-diving scouting session, on the prowl for another impressive batch of rookies? Who knows? He certainly isn't here. I don't know., don't ask me, jfc.

With the scene set, I take it all in one last time with my article commited to a MS Notepad draft, and lower my laptop as I hear footsteps. It's my bacon sandwich. "Here you go, one bacon sandwich made to order. I've put it in a takeaway bag, now get the fuck out of our canteen before I call security." 

"Thanks, Brandin," I mumbled under my breath. Grateful for the headstart, I took my leave as the tricky wideout sprinted back out to practice.

Below is the list of current Voyagers on the trade block.

The V's are said to be looking for draft picks in return.

QB Jay Cutler (77 OVR, 34y/o)

HB Lorenzo Taliaferro (77 OVR, 25y/o)

WR Titus Griffin (69 OVR, 23y/o)

TE  Michael Hoomanawanui (80 OVR, 29y/o)

LE Red Bryant (79 OVR, 87 at DT, 33y/o)

DT Carl Davis (75 OVR, 25y/o)

LOLB Elvis Dumervil (74 OVR, 81 at LE, 33y/o)

CB Lardarius Webb (78 OVR, 31y/o)

It's been a season of small margins and missed opportunities in Baltimore.

Barring the occasional humbling at the hands of some of the league's best teams - 28-7 @ Denver (8-2) and 30-10 @ Oakland (10-1) spring to mind - the Ravens have recently made a habit of playing close games and missing out when it matters.

Baltimore have conceded over 28 points on just two occasions (30 and 31).

It started early on with a series of missed field goals by Justin Tucker, a run of 4 in 3 games saw the kicker's stock plummet and regularly left the opposition starting drives near the halfway line. In total, Tucker's 6 missed field goals have resulted in 4 touchdown drives and a field goal - 31 points. Those 10 point swings have especially hurt Tucker's team. He twice hit he horizontal bar of the posts @ Arizona, a game which resulted in a 31-6 win for the Cardinals.

More recently, the Ravens conceded 17 to both the Jaguars and the Rams - two teams with polarising records of 2-7-1 and 9-2 respectively. Yet in both games, the chances were there, and the differences were clear. One missed tackle by the otherwise impressive C.J. Mosley lead to an 80 yard touchdown run by the Jags' Ryan Mathews, on the first play of the game, immediately shifting the mood inside a wet and miserable M&T Bank Stadium.

The Ravens have scored just 9 touchdowns on 23 trips to the red zone...

And v St. Louis, Bryce Petty's three interceptions and regular stops by the defense gave the Ravens ample chances to take the lead against one of the leauge's best. But Flacco and Co. just couldn't get it done when it mattered. This was a game which also saw Justin Forsett stopped at the 1 on a 30 yard screen pass (this drive ended in just 3 points), and a dropped catch by Steve Smith Sr. bringing what would have been a game-winning drive to a halt. 

It's not just happening in Baltimore. The Seattle Seahawks have lost 3 straight games by one possession (5 on the season). San Diego lost 3 straight in the last two minutes midway through the season. And the beleagured New York Giants were 0-6-1 a few weeks ago with a points differential of just -28 - an average of -4 points a game.

...while their defense have conceded 18 touchdowns on the same amount of trips

This is a game of small differences, and it just proves that you need to take every chance you get in order to be a success.

The Ravens finish their season against 6 teams with a combined record of 20-42-1 and are mathematically still in with a chance of making the playoffs.

The Ravens owner kevio17 has finally broken his silence about his team's controversial move to Houston.

kevio17 cited the city's high crime rate and grim portrayal in The Wire as important factors in the decision to head south.

"Baltimore looked like a terrible place in The Wire and there were those riots that one time," kevio17 said. "It's just a bit shit. We need to get out of here before we're all mugged, and besides, the weather is nicer in Houston."

It is believed kevio17 has emotional ties to Houston after he dreamed he owned the local Texans for a few seasons.

"It was such a vivid dream, almost like an alternate reality. I feel like we belong there."

Bolts’ Quarter Pole Power Rankings

1. Rams – The undefeated team with the toughest schedule thus far. They must be excited about their new castle in Inglewood. Case Keenum is amazingly on pace for 3,300+ yards and 32 TDs. Another good win against a tough divisional opponent this week while Gurley shouldered the load with 30 carries.
    

2. Falcons – A heavy stench of gouda and brie hang over Atlanta. Julio is dripping in melted cheddar.  A couple solid wins against other NFC competitors is Philly and Dallas could be huge down the stretch. Matt Ryan’s three picks against the Texans made for a third consecutive tight victory.
    

3. Broncos – Brock the GOAT has come up with three blowout victories already and proved he can squeeze out a close one as well. However, as current ownership was previously associated with the Patriots there are rumors of deflated balls surrounding the Donkeys. Brock threw for 5 this week and Christine Michael (huge risk giving the ball to a man named Christine) had another outstanding performance with 129 on the ground and 27 through the air. Look for things to get interesting when the AFCW finally starts playing each other in the second quarter of the season.
    

4. Bills – Buffalo looks strong behind a strong defense allowing only 18 points per game and is already 2-0 in the Division. Rex Ryan is considering a new tattoo of his wife in a Tyrod Taylor jersey because he likes quarterbacks that are just good enough. McCoy combined for 158 yards and the defense added three more picks while swallowing some OBJ cheesewiz this week.
    

5. Panthers – The most stacked roster in the league is living up to expectations. However, opponents have only combined for just 2 wins thus far! Are the Panthers a product of a weak schedule? Doubtful, but we’ll find out. Cam passed for 4 TDs this week on the way to a cool fifty-burger.
    

6. 49ers – The Niners have struggled offensively scoring only 16 points per game. The defense has made up for it allowing only 14 per game.  Every game has been close. The squad is made up of an odd bunch of players, but newly acquired Jordan Cameron could prove a significant weapon. Cameron had 73 yards and a score in another defensive masterpiece against the Packers.
    

7. Titans – The Titans find themselves at the top of a weak divison… again. Three games (two against still-winless teams), three decisive victories. Delanie Walker has become the top offensive threat in Tennessee. He went for 153 and a score on 11 receptions last week against the Colts. 11?!
    

8. Packers – The Pack has looked strong, but knowing Cade, he’s probably cheating. Surprisingly the defense has been the highlight this year giving up the second least points in the league at 13.4 per.
    

9. Raiders – Stomach Muscle has revitalized the Raiders with excitement of a move to Oakland. But is the undefeated start a product of a weak schedule? Absolutely. Sorry Bengals, Ravens, Browns and Bears. I love you, but Raiders have had it easy so far. A huge test against the Broncos this week will settle whether or not the Raiders are real contenders. Latavius remains a beast running for 104 on 13 carries against the Bears.
    

10. Eagles – The Eagles reach the quarter-pole 3-1 already notching two division wins. In a bizarre move, ownership decided great middle linebackers are for the birds… well, the Falcons. Ryan Mathews has been surprising Chargers fans everywhere by putting up MVP numbers and not fumbling three times a game. He rushed for another 148 and 2 TDs this week against the Injuns (that’s better than Redskins right?).
     

11. Steelers – Steelers are 4-0 and despite having yet to play a divisional game, look poised to run away with the North… as long as opponents play at the appropriate pace.
     

12. Chargers – Three different QBs have recorded each of the Bolts’ three wins. Dysert pulled out a miracle on 4th and 10, barely hanging on to a tough win against the Browns.

13. Lions – Somebody get the Lions owner some blood pressure meds. Every game has been a nail biter despite averaging 30 points per contest. Stafford threw two pick, but did just enough to beat Seattle.

     
14. Cowboys – The Cowboys are still deciding if they want to be the Cowboys. Split decision at 2-2 so far.
     
15. Jets – Jets are still finding their identity. Is McCarron at the helm the answer? He helped put up 51 against the Phins.
     
16. Colts – Colts are poised to compete all year in the AFC. Luck is really spreading the ball out as nine receivers have between 9-12 catches.
     

Here I look at the statistical takeaways from each team who played in week 3.

Redskins 20 - 20 Giants

Another tie, another pair of top-tier receivers with ridiculous games. Redskins wideout DeSean Jackson averaged 33.4 yards per catch as he went for 267 yards off just 8 receptions. Jackson's YPC is the highest in the league for any receiver with more than 10 targets, but if Washington's bottom-ranked run defense continues to hinder the team, they could be in trouble.

Meanwhile, Giants duo Matt Scott and Odell Beckham, Jr continue to pair up for huge numbers, but the Big Blue D have conceded more passing yards (351.7/game) - and more all-purpose yards (419/game) - than anyone else in the league. Giants may regret trading away their more experienced top defenders, even if they do hit the bullseye come draft day.

Steelers 26 - 56 Rams

Big Ben Roethlisberger may have thrown 4 interceptions against one of the best defenses in the league, but an over-reliance on duo Antonio Brown and Martavis Bryant has seen their run game struggle. Le'Veon Bell has averaged 2.8 yards per carry on the season, ranking him 75th in the league. Not looking good for one of the best in the game.

The pick-happy Rams D have managed nearly 5 interceptions per game so far this season, giving frequent opportunities for Case Keenum - and occasionally Nick Foles - to start drives in a great position, as evidenced by their mid-ranked 240 passing ypg. 

Saints 24 - 31 Panthers

New Orleans lost a closely-fought divisional battle in which they struggled to get anything going on the ground. Saints running backs combined for just 48 yards from 19 carries combined, Gio Bernard leading the way with 37 from 9. Their secondary showed up though, with Kenny Vaccaro and Delvin Breaux combining for 3 picks.

Despite those picks, Cam Newton continued his impressive start to the season with 403 all-purpose yards and a passer rating of 114.3 (admittedly his lowest of the season). Two touchdown catches for tight end Zach Miller could lead to him becoming a reliable piece in place of the injured Greg Olsen, rumoured to be on the trade block.

Jaguars 18 - 35 Patriots

Another team who paired a non-existent runing performance with a good secnodary display is the Jags. However, this secondary needs to stop conceding 30+ points a game if they want to start helping their team to victory. At least there was another good Julius Thomas performance to write home about.

Rob Gronkowski saved sub-par Tom Brady's skin with 151 yards receving and a touchdown, along with standout plays from LeGarrette Blount and Julian Edelman. The Patriots need Tom to get into gear and they can start fighting through a tough AFC East - though at least he only threw 3 picks this week.

Colts 7 - 35 Titans

An anaemic passing performance from Andrew Luck doomed the Colts in this divisional game. 8 completions for 127 yards will not rack up Ws - and a note to whoever picks the team: Shane Vereen is not a lead back! He is for pass catching and pass catching only. Second year OLB Kevin Pierre-Louis had a good season debut with 2 sacks and 7 tackles as Indy had plenty of opportunities to defend.

While Marcus Mariota continues to develop with the help of Delanie Walker, it was veteran Chris Johnson who rolled back the years with 137 rushing yards and a touchdown. The Titans D didn't have much to do all game as Luck was the cause of his own demise.

Chiefs 14 - 24 Packers

Inexperienced quarterback Aaron Murray continued to show us how inexperienced he is. Murray threw for just 119 yards, so he relied on running back Knile Davis to do a lot of the work for KC. Both nabbed a touchdown each as Murray struggled to move the ball downfield. Eric Berry led the defense with 6 tackles but couldn't stop the other Aaron in this game.

Aaron Rodgers has come out of the blocks quickly this season but slowed things down a little here, needing a sneak to secure the game and giving Eddie Lacy 18 carries for 81 yards. Still, the Packers had a lot of success with sail after sail - surely someone will be able to stop this madness before long?

Chargers 10 - 28 Vikings

That sound you hear is the Chargers Train griding to a halt. The Bolts' defense may be one of the top 10 in the league as of now, but when Ryan Mallett throws 4 picks in a game then your opposition won't have to do gain many yards at all to score points. Mallet will throw either bombs or picks, and both were on display today. 

Minnesota were able to capitalise with a striong rushing performance from Adrian Peterson - when AD can get nearly 7 yards per carry, then Teddy Bridgewater won't need to throw any more than he did here (53 yards in 8 attempts). Someone will need to look into their clock-chewing tactics though.

Bengals 10 - 20 Ravens

Andy Dalton shot to the top of the pick leaders with 5 ints, taking him to 11 for the season, however Cincinnati's defense kept giving their team hope. Forced fumbles and 2 picks of their own helped make up for Dalton's shaky first half. Tyler Eifert was again reliable with 65 yards and a touchdown from 6 receptions.

C.J. Mosley was Baltimore's saviour as they caught on to Dalton's relience on throwing up the middle to the tight end. He came away with 2 picks, both of which led to point-scoring drives. Joe Flacco is slowly starting to throw beyond the 5 yard mark, averaging 7 yards per throw, but Justin Tucker missed his second field goal in two games. Meanwhile, that Ravens D has conceded the 6th-least yards in the league. 

Bears 17 - 31 Seahawks

Jay Cutler went down injured but there's no evidence yet that he'd be a huge loss to the faltering Bears. 2 more picks and just the 1 touchdown. There's talk about this being Matt Forte's last year with the team, but at the moment he's helping them average a reasonable 83 yards per game - the closest thing to a ray of light in Chicago right now.

Speedy duo T.Y. Hilton and Jermaine Kearse combined for 204 yards and 2 touchdowns to get Seattle off the mark for the season. Thomas Rawls also handled his new role as lead back pretty well with 73 yards, and Russell Wilson finally got going three games into the year. The third-best rushing defense this season also grabbed 3 sacks on stand-in quarterback David Fales.

Broncos 38 - 31 Lions

Brock Osweiler was able to match his more experienced counterpart Matt Stafford pretty much yard-for-yard in this shootout. Brock Lobster completed 72% of his passes for 327 yards, to no less than 9 different receivers. Meanwhile owner's favourite Christine Michael racked up 128 yards on the ground, leading to 2 touchdowns.

Meanwhile, the Lions played almost exclusively through the air on offense, with Stafford typically averaging nearly 10 yards per attempt, and his 276.3 yards per game is good for 6th among all quarterbacks in the league. Tight end Eric Ebron also showed up for a big day with 156 yards and 2 touchdowns.

Eagles 38 - 20 Jets

Philadelphia showed up on both offense and defense to go top of the NFC East. Sam Bradford's good season continued with 256 yards and a pair of touchdowns, and DeMarco Murray wiped out memories of his first two games with a 147 yard day, finding the end zone twice more. Meanwhile, the Eagles defense combined for 6 sacks, 2 interceptions and a forced fumble.

It was a tale of two average quarterbacks for the Jets. Ryan Fitzpatrick threw 2 picks, and his incredibly low completion percentage of 22% (from 18 attempts) yielded just 103 yards and a touchdown. Geno Smith didn't fare much better, though his 7 attempts proved more accuaate and he notched 6 points for himself too.

Falcons 23 - 16 Cowboys

Julio Jones continued his dominant season with 'only' 117 yards receiving, but without 3 successful field goals by Matt Bryant the Falcons could be staring at a defeat. The defense also helped out, with 3 sacks and 3 ints, and Kwon Alexander had a particiluar good day, racking up a few tackles to go with his pick.

Trade acquisition Rashad Jennings helped make the Dallas running game look good for the first time this season, with 110 yards behind 'that o-line'. He couldn't make it happen in the red zone though, which was the Cowboys' downfall - they also needed 3 field goals to help keep the scoreline respectable. Jason Witten continues to be Tony Romo's go-to guy with 73 yards from 6 catches.

Bills 20 - 14 Dolphins

Low-key divisional games aren't really a thing when you have Rex Ryan at the helm, but this was certainly the case here. Buffalo's standout performer was Stephon Gilmore, notching 3 of his team's 5 interceptions - which were needed, as Tyrod Taylor threw 2 of his own and LeSean McCoy could only run for 48 yards from 19 carries.

Meanwhile, those 5 picks and the lack of a touchdown ensured Ryan Tannehill had the worst QB ratiing of the week (29.2). New signing Marshawn Lynch was Miami's only real positive, rushing for nearly 7 yards per carry, but this kept the Dolphins' average rushing yards at a below-average 72.3 per game.

Raiders 30 - 14 Browns

Derek Carr threw for a perfect passer rating (158.3) as he compeleted 81% of his passes for 228 yards and 2 touchdowns, while Latavius Murray continues to stand out with 3 scores of his own and 114 yards on the ground. Even veteren ex-Patriot duo Wes Welker and Benjamin Watson got in on the action, as Carr spread the ball out to 8 different Radiers receivers. 

Meanwhile, Eli Manning's big move to the Browns continues to look like a bad decision, with a mediocre 10/22, 120 yard game. At least he didn't throw 6 interceptions this time, though. It'll take more than the odd big play by Travis Benjamin (69 yards from 2 catches) and average showings by Ray Rice (4.5 yards per carry on the season)to get Cleveland out of this hole.

49ers 17 - 9 Cardinals

Blaine Gabbert showed why the 49ers are working to bring Alex Smith back to the Bay, as he completed less than half his passes for 149 yards and a sole touchdown. That touchdown was all they needed though, as 4 different defenders nabbed a pick each. Torrey Smith (70 yards) led the way for an offense that really needs a spark.

115 yards for Larry Fitzgerald and 170 for 4 more receivers looks great on paper, but Carson Palmer's 4 interceptionss kept the Cards from completely dominating this game. This is a powerful offense - top 10 in all offensive yardage categories - so we'll put this one down to a bad day for the veteran quarterback.

Buccaneers 17 - 20 Texans

We'll be seeing the Jamies Winston - Mike Evans combo for years to come, and here they combined for their best stats so far (156 yards and a touchdown from 6 targets). It wasn't all Evans though, as tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins and veteran Vincent Jackson chipped in too. However, the Buccs will want to see more than 3 yards per carry from Doug Martin.

DeAndre Hopkins showed why he's one of the best in the league with 2 touchdown catches for Houston, including a 10-yard effort from undrafted rookie Dylan Thompson to win it. Thompson also showed quick feet to nab a 20-yard run in a pretty even game, but don't expect him to oust Brian Hoyer just yet, despite the Texans sitting bottom of the pile in total points per game.

What follows is the Ball So Hard University (cringe) trade block.

The Ravens are looking to trade sturdy, established veterans to owners looking for upgrades. They are said to be looking for younger players in the same positions, and may be willing to exchange draft picks to sweeten the deal.

FB Kyle Juszczyk

WR Chris Matthews

WR Marlon Brown

RE Chris Canty

CB Kyle Arrington

Interested owners should enquire within.

Here are the LOA standings after two seasons.

Key awards

Best Record: 3 teams - Vikings, Steelers, Titans (27-5)

Wooden Spoon: Texans

Most Improved: Bisons (+0.250)

Just Kept Getting Worse award: Panthers (-0.281)

New owner syndrome: Patriots

Mr. Consistent: 2 teams - Broncos (11-5), Packers (7-9)

Nice Tie award: Oilers and Texans

The Pretty Average Award: 3 teams - Huskies, Saints, Colts