The World’s Worst Mock
By Zac Zielinski
It is that time of the year again. lg is dying as we near the end of this year’s Madden cycle. We are finishing our 5th season of Madden 18 and lgers are dropping like Derek’s pants at an all-male brothel. Much like every year, around this time, we are struggling to preserve everyone’s interest in lg.
That’s where “Draft SZN” comes in. With the late April NFL Draft, comes lg’s Madden 19 Team Draft. Outside of the release of “new” Madden each August, nothing promotes lg excitement like the Team Draft. The anticipation builds, as most struggle to hang on for dear life playing out the final required seasons of Madden 18, just to get their fair share in the lottery for the Team Draft order.
As much as the dread of a Season 5, Week 11 Madden 18 game, pushes lg to the brink of extinction, a Team Draft can breathe life and new hope into our exclusive fraternity. The trick becomes, the empty animosity filled gap between now and then. Enter lgMock. lgMock serves as the bridge, the old beaten down drawbridge that holds just long enough to transition lg into the next generation of Madden.
Most Mock Drafts are completed by highly experienced, well informed members of the National media. Almost all are done by one person, based on their personal expectations. But, what if there were 32 individuals with a common interest that just so happened to be the NFL? What if each individual was already assigned to a given NFL franchise? How would a 32 man Mock Draft turn out?
The answer: terribly.
The combination of 32 young adults, with completely different backgrounds, and varying interests in the NFL Draft can lead to a laughable result for a Mock Draft. As expected, this is precisely what happened in our lgMock. Regardless, every year we bond together as lg and whip out our Mock.
Without further ado, I present to you what I like to call the 2nd Annual “World’s Worst Mock.’
Cleveland Browns – Curt
QB Josh Allen
Curt fell for all of the hype leading up to the Draft. Note: Curt is a Giants fan so he is most likely hoping the Browns take Allen so that the Giants can grab Darnold at #2.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
New York Giants – Ant
QB Sam Darnold
Ant, another Giants fan, could not have made this pick any quicker. Ant has been very adamant about the Giants finding the heir to Eli.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
New York Jets – Sparty
RB Saquon Barkley
Nobody, outside of Dingus, took more heat for their pick than Sparty. lg as a whole agrees that the Jets traded up to select a QB. Sparty would love nothing more than his pick to come true so he can rub it in everyone’s face.
Chances this pick actually happens? Zero.
Cleveland Browns – Curt
EDGE Bradley Chubb
This pick is pretty common in most Mock’s out there, depending on who the Giants take at #2. I like the thought of big Chubb on the opposite side of Myles Garrett.
Chances this pick actually happens? Good.
Denver Broncos – Luke
QB Josh Rosen
This could happen, if two or three QBs are off the board by #4. It is all just a matter of whether the Broncos prefer Rosen over Mayfield or the other QBs left.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Indianapolis Colts – Alex
LB Tremaine Edmunds
Edmunds is a very talented LB and he can do it all. But, the thought of Edmunds coming off the board before Roquan Smith is questionable.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Jose
CB Denzel Ward
Jose’s actual pick? “Just give me the best DB available.” Jose ultimately clarified this meant Denzel Ward. While Jose is not wrong, I tend to think the Buccos would rather have Minkah or Florida State S Derwin James.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Chicago Bears – Hamad
OL Quenton Nelson
I believe Hamad also pulled a Jose and asked for the best lineman ever, before choosing Nelson. Having said that, this is a great pick that, as a Packers fan, I hope does not come true.
Chances this pick actually happens? Good.
San Francisco 49ers – Alec
WR Calvin Ridley
Alec, a Buccaneers fan turned Niners fan, makes a highly questionable pick that frustrates true Niners fans like Kyler.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Las Vegas (Hehe) Raiders – Will
DT Vita Vea
Sometimes we need to excuse Will, because he is from a 3rd-World country somewhere in Mexico, but he actually made a decent pick here. I know Derek’s pipe dream as a Falcons fan for Vea at 26 were crushed.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Miami Dolphins – Emmanuel
QB Baker Mayfield
I personally think this is a great fit, and Baker is the best QB in the Draft. Whether it happens or not depends on the beginning stages of the draft.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Buffalo Bills – Dingus
LB Leighton Vander Esch
Lol. Edmunds going before Roquan is one thing, but LVE? Dingus even stated his pick as best LB available. SMH!
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Washington Redskins – Chris
S Minkah Fitzpatrick
Chris “Draft Nugget” Last Name makes a great pick. However, I doubt Minkah lasts this long.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Green Bay Packers – Zac
S Derwin James
As an IRL Cheesehead, I was ecstatic to see Draft Crushes Derwin James and Harold Landry still available here. I went with who I think has the best chance to be an annual Pro Bowl type player in James.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Arizona Cardinals – Josh
QB Lamar Jackson
Like this pick and think it might happen.
Chances this pick actually happens? Good.
Baltimore Ravens – Mike
LB Roquan Smith
Pending all 5 QBs and an early run on WRs there is no way Smith falls to #16. I don’t blame Mike for taking him though.
Chances this pick actually happens? Zero.
Los Angeles (Weird) Chargers – Kyler
OL Connor Williams
Kyler is such a blessing to lg, and I agree with the Chargers going with OL, but I think there were better options at this point.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Seattle Seahawks – Dar (Not Blaise)
DT Da’Ron Payne
Makes sense.
Chances this pick actually happens? Good.
Dallas Cowboys – Corbin
WR D.J. Moore
Corbin went high on need with several better players available. If I thought Jerry was still in charge I think he does make this pick. But, the fact Dez is gone tells me Will McClay and Stephen are in charge. It could still happen though.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Detroit Lions – Drew, Max, Allen, Big Dogg
RB Derrius Guice
As late as it is in a Mock this has a high potential of actually happening. Good pick by Big *cough* Derek *cough* Dogg.
Chances this pick actually happens? Good.
Cincinnati Bengals – Ugh Jeff
QB Mason Rudolph
lImf@aao000
Chances this pick actually happens? Zero.
Buffalo Bills – Pingus
WR Courtland Sutton
IDK maybe? Who cares, it’s the Bills.
Chances this pick actually happens? Maybe.
New England Patriots – Dez (Zac)
EDGE Harold Landry
If Harold Landry is still OTB this late, I hope the Packers trade their entire draft to move up and get him. But also a great fit for NE.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Carolina Panthers – Fucc Boi Manny
CB Jaire Alexander
Highly underrated CB, and good pick by a mean lger.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Tennessee Titans – Derek
LB Rashaan Evans
Not much to argue with here. Titans D really suffered against the run last season.
Chances this pick actually happens? Good.
Atlanta Falcons – Dub
WR D.J. Chark
I don’t have a great feel for this pick, but the Falcons do need a WR.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
New Orleans Saints – Tristan
EDGE Sam Hubbard
No relation to Corbin. Don’t see many Mocks with Hubbard going in the 1st. Think the Saints might go TE. Is Tristan an OSU fan?
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Pittsburgh Steelers – Rich
CB Josh Jackson
Josh Jackson won’t need to change uniforms if this happens. Steelers seem to like their secondary for some reason so I could see them going LB (RIP Shazier) or RB (RIP Le’Veon Bell).
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
Jacksonville Jaguars – Zed (If that’s even your real name)
OL Mike McGlinchey
Hard to argue with the value here, but I don’t think he will be around this late.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Minnesota Vikings – Dylan
OL Isaiah Wynn
It’s late in the draft and I’m getting sleepy.
Chances this pick actually happens? Decent.
New England Patriots – Dez (But really Zed via Zac)
QB Luke Falk
Zed boldly predicted early in the off-season that Luke Falk is the second coming of Jesus, erm Tom Brady. Zed said he would have a better career than Brady and Manning combined. Anyways, Dez let me make his picks so I picked Falk as a joke, I mean tribute, to Zed. Could actually happen though.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Philadelphia Eagles – Rack (Insert Howie Roseman Mood Pic)
TE Hayden Hurst
He tried to take Derrius Guice. Classic Rack. Then opted for the 1st TEst TE off the board. I don’t see it.
Chances this pick actually happens? Not great.
Tl;dr version: WORST MOCK EVER!
After a 1 and 4 start, with rumors swirling about the Bucs dropping 2nd year head coach Kool-Aid Jones, Jones finally has his team drinking the Kool-Aid. The Buccaneers have now won 4 straight games to pull into a thee-way tie at the top of the NFC South. With a key victory against the Dvision leading Panthers, and their first win over the Saints in 5 attempts, the Bucs are on a roll. The Bucs hope to continue there streak against the 49ers next week, before they matuchup against the 3-time defending champion Seattle Seahawks. League MVP candidate Doug Martin is on fire, and the young Buccaneers' defense is on the rise. Many attribute their recent success to the crucial decision to trade locker room cancer Kendall Wright to the Arizona Cardinals. Wright had some crucial drops early in the season, and never lived up to the contract he received this offseason. There had been rumors that Wright and 2nd year QB Cameron Fischer had had some arguments in the locker room. "I'm not here to dwell on the past, but Coach [Jones] has always preached that no one man is greater than the team," Fischer said in a post-game interview Sunday night. The fact that the Bucs are even in the playoof mix is an acheivment in itself, but the players have bigger plans. "Our primary goal, is to win the Division. Once you are in everyone has a chance," said veteran TE Vernon Davis. Can the Bucs continue this streak of success? Or, does the Bucs stop here?