As the 2017 football season closes, Priest Holmes and his Chiefs are already gearing up for the next season. Last night the Chiefs and Chargers squared off in a thrilling divisional matchup. Both teams came out ready to play but the Chiefs lost 28-30 to a last second field goal. Eric Berry was seen being held back by his fellow teammates after Josh Lambo made the game winning kick. It took 5 players to wrestle him down and keep him from charging the other team’s bench. When interviewed after the game Berry said, “It just hurts coming back from leukemia to lose to these bitchass Chargers, they obviously have been doing some kind of cheating. Their offense went from mediocre to unstoppable. You know, it looks a lot like dem Raiders exact plays. I guess those bitches are doing some patriot type film shit.” The game was a prime example of why the owners have agreed to meet this offseason to discuss whether or not kicking arcs should be allowed for the 2018 season.

Although the bulk of the Chiefs roster will remain intact, they will be losing some strong leaders to free agency. Derrick Johnson and Mike Devito have both been forces on the Chief’s outstanding defense for many seasons but have lost a step due to old age. With Devito’s 90 BSH and Johnsons 90+ AWR, PUR, and PREC, Priest Holmes is confident that both players will find homes for the upcoming season. Priest has already begun planning the gangbang event that he throws for veteran players leaving his team. When asked what type of girls Devito and Johnson preferred, Johnson replied “ I like dem thick white thots with no gag reflex. I’m not too sure about Mike, I think he like dat boy dick.” The Chiefs have already signed their core players (Kelce, Davis, Houston, Cooks,) to long term deals and are currently trying to get the rest of the team bolted down.

The Chiefs are sad to see two veterans leave, they are rejoicing that they have found their franchise QB in Mason “Dat Man” Moses. Moses was struck with an injury that sidelined him for 27 weeks in his rookie season. After two poor performances by Veterans Smith and Rivers, Dat Man took control of the team and never looked back. “He’s got that black man speed but the arm of a white quarterback. He can drop dimes on the field and snort lines in the club. The man can do it all” says Chief’s head coach Priest Holmes. Moses finished the season with 2800 yards and 23 TDs and will be looking to increase those totals next season. When we attempted to question Moses, He quickly held up a GIF of a pulsating butthole and said “nigga, let me ball.”