A Look Through My Eyes

Let me take you on this journey I like to call Season 69. Everything I said about my well-being that led to my resignation mid-season was 100% accurate and true. I was struggling. I needed a break. And at that moment, walking away for a while was in my mind the best thing for me. And it was nice… for a bit. What I did not expect to happen was this: regret. As annoying as you guys might be some times, I still love this league. The Broncos were quickly filled, and Adel was on a recruiting binge trying to fill the last two teams. And that’s when it hit me… if he fills all 32 teams, there might not be a spot for me next cycle. There might not be a RedZone in my future. And that hit me harder than I expected it to. I knew I needed to keep my spot, but my team was already gone and I wasn’t going to press the new member to be like “Oh nevermind, that’s MY team. Go somewhere else.”

So that left me with the Bucs and Raiders, which was an easy choice. I had no plans on trying to make them good, my sole purpose was to play my games. This was a 2-5 team, afterall. If I win, I win, if I lose, no big deal. There was no pressure in any of those games because I was going to be a nobody. You may disagree with this next statement, but it is absolutely tiring being me sometimes. I am a walking target, and I take responsibility on making myself into that. Through my past successes and my arrogant attitude, it became quite easy to become RZ’s villain. But every game… every comment… they are watched carefully. If I lose a game to someone I probably shouldn’t, it becomes a big deal to some. Every game feels like a must win just to keep my sanity. My reputation. And I was putting unnecessary pressure on myself. And this lead me to making a fake moniker to play these Bucs games on. I just wanted to play my games. Have friendly interactions with my opponents. Just not be me for a while. And it was a fresh breath of air for once.

I understand that many of you feel deceived by these actions. I did not do this to be toxic, to catfish your feelings towards a potential new owner. This was less about making you all look stupid and more about doing my RedZone duties. Play my games. Keep my good standing in the league. If I was shunned from the league and did this, I can understand the bigger issue that could be. I just wanted to lay low for a while. Be someone else. Go back to the roots of what RedZone is… enjoying playing John Madden NFL football with friends. And I really did experience that for those few weeks and it was a noticeable difference in how much fun I was having.

Will this experience change anything for the good? Probably not. Adel would have never said how much fun he had playing me if he knew it was me. Guys wouldn’t be as cordial with pre and post-game interactions. And that’s fine. I can be just as miserable. I have made myself into who I am… but for a brief moment in time… things were good. And with that enjoyable experience, I regret nothing.