Drinking the Yateraid - Field's Season 64 Predictions
by AST1N | 4 years ago | 0 Comments
Patrick Timothy Allen won the Super Bowl. That is not a typo. I have gone to great lengths to try to wake myself up, but I am 99% sure this isn’t a dream/nightmare. A guy sneaks into the playoffs at 9-7, coming off a two game losing streak to finish the year, and somehow puts it together to string together win after win to end up hoisting the SB at the end of the day. Another example of any given Sunday, that anyone has a chance to make a run. Weird league.
Before we get into the Season 64 predictions, as we always do, let’s take a look at our Season 63 predictions and see how well I did.
The Ravens will leave you wanting (Balti)more.
If you thought I was going to write an article without any terrible puns in it, then it’s probably a good thing that I am the predictor here. There are few things to be certain in RZ: I will always use a pun if I can, and WG will make questionable GM decisions. But this bullet point isn’t about WG. Back on track, Field! The Ravens swept away the #1 seed in the AFC last season, going 14-2. Lamar Jackson was an MVP candidate. I hope they enjoyed their run. They traded away Mark Andrews for rookie TE Paul Wilson to take over. The party chat questioned why BP would draft a TE in the 1st round. They also didn’t notice he was from the University of Oregon, which I am sure sold BP (their 2nd round pick also from Oregon… strange….) Wilson is dominating targets already and it’s not close. Yes, he is good. Luckily. Lamar was also 3 pick sat in Week 1. TOs are going to catch up to BP. He went 14-2 last season while having a TD:INT of 24:23 (how is this MVP worthy?!?!). This team will live and die by Lamar, and with a schedule that faces the AFC West, Moji, Roc (with a fresh Henry), Lefty, and an ever improving division, the Ravens have peaked. Will they still win their division? Most likely. Getting the 1 seed? I don’t see it. The team also has some tough roster decisions in the next few years, so we will see how many more Oregon players work out for them in the draft.
Oh look… nailed it! A regression from 14-2 to 9-7, and watching the playoffs from home. If sleepy Prew didn’t snooze his way to 12-4 and a division title, BP might have been able to sneak his way to winning the division. However, it just felt that BP wanted to focus on getting his tight end the ball over putting his team in position to win more games.
The Kansas City Football Team will actually come to play this season.
We saw their late season push (I don’t know what they were pushing for…). We know their studs. Here is what you might not know. They drafted VERY well. They play the 4th place schedule in the AFC. White Greg says he’s playing cheesy. This tells me one thing. Even when Hat-Trick Mahomes is out there watching games from the sidelines, this team will be better. They will not finish last in the AFC West. In fact, they will push for that WC spot. I am excited to see the Raiders and KC battle for #2 in the West…. Sorry IJ!
I have no words. Zero. Moving on…
The Cowboys will not surpass 6-10.
Okay, I will be frank with you all. This prediction is solely there so that he bulletin boards this comment on Twitter with a “SMH” comment, and then he finishes 6-10 and pretends it doesn’t happen. I am a man here to please the people. I hope you are all entertained.
From 8-2 to 9-7. Did he exceed those 6 wins? Yep. Was his late season collapse entertaining? Absolutely. Whether it was 6 wins or 9 wins, they still missed the playoffs, and this story was much better than what I was trying to write.
The only thing Giant in New York is their loss column.
Brandon Beech won a Super Bowl. I know this may shock some of you that have not heard the news. This team stinks. They are bad. Bad roster, bad coaching, bad Discord trolling. We are in Week 2 and they somehow already locked a top 3 pick in the draft. If I am a betting man, I am putting my money in the odds of the NYG owning the 1st OVR pick in the draft. Potentially winnable games on the schedule: Cowboys x2, Vikings. Could he steal a game from Kelly or Spencer? Maybe? But he is averaging 6 points a game.
The Giants ended up tied for the worst record in the league (2-14), but ended up with pick 2 based on tiebreakers. I will still take the dub. Just like what Beech did when he played Tauph LOL.
Offensive Rookie of the Year.
Okay, we are going to play a game. It’s called Kamryn Killings got a significant injury and opened the door for others, because that is the ONLY way he doesn’t win. So who does that leave us with? For the QBs, we have Spencer, Rfox, Kelly and Pat with their guys. Based on what I have seen, I would rank them D.J. Carter – ATL, Fernando Giraldo – NO, Tevin Wofford – DET, and lastly Dan Archer – JAX at the end of the season. However, none are winning. They won’t cheese enough. It will come down to guys who will push their rookies for awards. That leads me to Kendrick Babineaux – PIT (we saw what he was doing with his rookies last season), and Alex McMillian in MIA (Even though BM has never done anything wrong in the past to get his guys personal gain whatsoever). Could Adel make a run with Alex Sharp? I doubt it. My runner-up pick: Give me Babineaux. 57 carries in his first 2 games tells me KJ will do anything to push him.
Not only did I predict Wonderbread would win the award, I also predicted the runner up. /flex
Defensive Rookie of the Year – Will Turner – NYJ
He is really good. He is going to keep getting better. User pass rushing makes them even better. And people are going to complain about user pass rush this offseason. Turner will finish between 12-15 sacks. It will be a close race between him and Delvin Givens in LV (who should finish with ~8 INTs).
Turner ended up with 14 sacks. However, even I did not see 5th round rookie Marcus Minor doing what he did. Givens only finished with 4 INTs, and the Raiders were just lackluster all around last season.
Offensive Player of the Year – Kamryn Killings, IND
That’s right, I just picked a rookie to win a big award like this. The Colts have a favorable schedule and they are firing on all cylinders already. Will they get the Jake Complex and crumble? History says most likely. BUT I SAY NAY, DAMNIT! AND WE GET TO HEAR ABOUT KK ALL SEASON LONG! PREPARE THE ANUSES!
Johnathan Taylor (Thomas) was the only Colt to make the ballot, but I still stand that Killings was the key piece that help the Colts offense make the big jump to the top of the AFC. Regardless, Kyler ran away with this award, so it doesn’t matter.
Defensive Player of the Year – Simmons
“Uhh Field… you left out some details there.” Thank you, dumbass. I did it on purpose. Also, how did you get in here and why are you reading over my shoulder?? SECURITY! (Editor note: I work from home, so my security is usually just my wife offering house guests her home baked goods. Editor note #2: She can’t bake worth shit and usually most people leave before she offers them more.) Anyway… this vote for DPOY will be a TIE! And no, that’s not cheating! Isaiah Simmons in ARI is a freak athlete and does it all, so he should get lots of stats in all the departments. Justin Simmons in DEN is the best FS in the league, and gets to play KCx2, LVx2, LACx2, the AFCN, the Giants, and the Cowboys. That will be 10 INTs minimum. Invest all your moneys in the Simmons brothers. They are studs. And don’t try to lie to me and tell me they aren’t brothers.
Isaiah wins the award, and Justin finished with 9 INTs (and would probably had 10 if the Broncos didn’t play AP Browns and get a s2w versus Dallas).
MVP: Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. – Tompa Bay Buccaneers
The GOAT. Offensive Weapons galore. 6 games vs. the NFC South. With these elements combined, the regular season MVP is born!
Wins the #1 seed, doesn’t even get on the ballot. His INT number was a bit high, but I think he should have been at least in the discussion. Finished 4th in passing yards, and 1st in beauty. Almost feels like the guy who made the ballots has something against Tauph…
Super Bowl Prediction: New York Jets 34, Philadelphia Eagles 30
And this is the Super Bowl that I off myself for having to watch these two play.
And just think, I thought having to watch Moji/Adel in a Super Bowl would be the worst thing to see.
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All in all, I think it was a fairly successful prediction year. And sometimes you take your losses and learn from them. For example, I now know that I can never trust Spittah. Oh well! Now who is ready for Season 64??
The Falcons are ready to take flight.
For the first 2 seasons of the cycle, Atlanta has been a huge disappointment. Like bottom 10 team bad. Imagine a guy with a resume like Bill Cowher coming out of retirement and struggling his first two seasons back. I’d say that’s not out of the realm of possibilities. Here are the facts with this Atlanta team. They were not good nor deep to start with, and that Matt Ryan contract might have been the worst contract in the league, even worse than Kirk Cousins. Season 62 for Kelly was about re-accumulating to the speed and nuances of the league. Season 63 was his cap dump year, which severely handicapped his season (when like $50M of your $220M cap space is stuck to cap penalties, and the rest to bad contracts like Jake Matthews, you are in for a bad time.) However, the excuses are gone. The contracts are gone. Kelly had money to spend to build his team, and he did. He also had a very good draft. He also just came away with the victory in Week 1 against the defending NFC Champs. If I am Tauph, I am keeping my eyes in the rear view mirror, as the Dirty Birds are approaching fast.
The Archer misses his mark.
I have never seen someone’s stock get artificially raised by a team’s performance more than I have Dan Archer. We have guys on Twitter ready to proclaim him as the best RedZone QB in history. Are we ignoring the fact that this Jaguars team’s strength is its defense and running game? That he had 17 TDs to 25 INTs? These were probably the same people enamored by “Elite” Joe Flacco’s run in the playoffs he had a little less than a decade ago. However, I do not see a repeat title run for this team. The schedule is pretty rough, for the most part. He plays his division (which top to bottom might be the most competitive in the league), Ravens, Bills, AFC West (which in S62 looked great, S63 not so much… which division are we getting this season?) and then has Adel and Weed (and I will say WG too just so he leaves me alone). Getting to 10 wins might be difficult and his path to the playoffs again will be a tough journey. I expect Archer’s TD/INT ratio to improve to a positive figure, but let’s slow down the GOAT talk for a bit.
The Un-sinking of the Titan-ic
The Titans were very good in S62. Then they regressed and missed the playoffs and watched their division mate win the SB. If that doesn’t light a fire under your ass, then I don’t know what will. However, I see them heading back to their old ways, feeding Henry, and using new QB Cam Newton to ground and pound their way back into the playoffs.
It’s Election Day. Go Vote.
Speaking of Patriotic things, look at ol’ Glenn making moves. And he just won a game with Stidham at QB. Do I think getting Wentz makes him throw less INTs? Yes, but that’s not hard when you were throwing 50 of them in a season. However, if Glenn sticks to using his running game behind that great offensive line, and strategically uses his passing game, I see improvement from this team. In fact, I am such a believer in Glenn that I think he ends up outside of the bottom 8 teams this season. Is this my annual “Believe in a guy who will let me down when I am writing this article next season” guy? History tells me yes. But my heart says no.
Arise, King of the NFC
For the first two seasons, it has felt like a two-team regular season race in the NFC between the Eagles and Bucs (even though the Cardinals won the 1 seed in S62 and the 49ers have represented the NFC in back to back SBs). However, they have both lost their starting QBs and they both believe they will be fine with lesser talent. You know who else lost their QB? The 49ers. Who does that leave? That’s right, the team with the defending MVP, OPOY, and DPOY. This is the Cardinals conference now and for the next little while. His time to make a push for his first SB is now.
Alright, time for awards.
Offensive Rookie of the Year – HB Gerald Blaylock, SF
If Week 1 told me anything, it’s that 1) Ernest loves this guy and 2) he is going to feed him all season. Are we going to see another Babineaux situation of a guy who gets too much love early on, and has to be benched at the end of the season? It is a real possibility, as Jamal Williams is the only other threat on the team to get significant carries. I also wouldn’t be surprised to see Blaylock top 3 in receptions on the team as well.
Defensive Rookie of the Year – SS Denzel Brownlee, CIN
Defensive ROTY is always a hard one to predict, since it’s less about usage and more about opportunity and ratings. A 5’9 safety on a historically mediocre team? Sure, why not. He is also already very highly rated for a rookie, and is an X-factor. I plan on taking the L on this one, but would be pleasantly surprised if it comes true.
Offensive Player of the Year – QB Kyler Murray, ARI
It is Murray time. This is his year. I think he will have competition for the award with Drew Lock, Sam Darnold, Kam Killings, and Lamar Jackson, but in the end of the day the roll-out king will need to roll out some more space in his trophy case.
Defensive Player of the Year – MLB Patrick Queen, BAL
The easy pick would be Simmons, but I don’t like gimmes. I challenge Red Zone to look beyond just sacks and INTs, as we typically do. Queen is a tackling machine and is constantly around the ball all game. If he can get some INTs to put his name on the map in that category, I think he has a chance. I am also intrigued with what Bobby Wagner will end up doing with Moji, as he too could become a legit contender for the award.
MVP – QB Kyler Murray, ARI
I have said enough about him.
Super Bowl Prediction – Arizona Cardinals 31, Tennessee Titans 20
Did I just predict the Damn Ram Fam Sham bowl? Unfortunately yes. I don’t know why I keep putting miserable outcomes as my SB predictions, but here I am. I am a sad, sad little man.
We will talk again next month.