I. Am. Back.

I will be the first to admit it. Losing the website and losing all the articles in the past hurt. Made me not want to write anything again. Everything was there and then *Poof!*… gone.

New cycle. New me. No time to dwell in the past when the future is ahead of us. “But Field, the future is scary!!!” You have no idea how many times I have heard this (at least twice!). However, I am here to help you my young, scardy cats. Uncle Field has a knack for predictions, and Season 63 needs me to shed the light. Prepare yourself. Grab some popcorn. It’s about to get crazy in here.

The Ravens will leave you wanting (Balti)more.

If you thought I was going to write an article without any terrible puns in it, then it’s probably a good thing that I am the predictor here. There are few things to be certain in RZ: I will always use a pun if I can, and WG will make questionable GM decisions. But this bullet point isn’t about WG. Back on track, Field! The Ravens swept away the #1 seed in the AFC last season, going 14-2. Lamar Jackson was an MVP candidate. I hope they enjoyed their run. They traded away Mark Andrews for rookie TE Paul Wilson to take over. The party chat questioned why BP would draft a TE in the 1^st round. They also didn’t notice he was from the University of Oregon, which I am sure sold BP (their 2^nd round pick also from Oregon… strange….) Wilson is dominating targets already and it’s not close. Yes, he is good. Luckily. Lamar was also 3 pick sat in Week 1. TOs are going to catch up to BP. He went 14-2 last season while having a TD:INT of 24:23 (how is this MVP worthy?!?!). This team will live and die by Lamar, and with a schedule that faces the AFC West, Moji, Roc (with a fresh Henry), Lefty, and an ever improving division, the Ravens have peaked. Will they still win their division? Most likely. Getting the 1 seed? I don’t see it. The team also has some tough roster decisions in the next few years, so we will see how many more Oregon players work out for them in the draft.

The Kansas City Football Team will actually come to play this season.

We saw their late season push (I don’t know what they were pushing for…). We know their studs. Here is what you might not know. They drafted VERY well. They play the 4^th place schedule in the AFC. White Greg says he’s playing cheesy. This tells me one thing. Even when Hat-Trick Mahomes is out there watching games from the sidelines, this team will be better. They will not finish last in the AFC West. In fact, they will push for that WC spot. I am excited to see the Raiders and KC battle for #2 in the West…. Sorry IJ!

The Cowboys will not surpass 6-10.

Okay, I will be frank with you all. This prediction is solely there so that he bulletin boards this comment on Twitter with a “SMH” comment, and then he finishes 6-10 and pretends it doesn’t happen. I am a man here to please the people. I hope you are all entertained.

The only thing Giant in New York is their loss column.

Brandon Beech won a Super Bowl. I know this may shock some of you that have not heard the news. This team stinks. They are bad. Bad roster, bad coaching, bad Discord trolling. We are in Week 2 and they somehow already locked a top 3 pick in the draft. If I am a betting man, I am putting my money in the odds of the NYG owning the 1^st OVR pick in the draft. Potentially winnable games on the schedule: Cowboys x2, Vikings. Could he steal a game from Kelly or Spencer? Maybe? But he is averaging 6 points a game.

Offensive Rookie of the Year.

Okay, we are going to play a game. It’s called Kamryn Killings got a significant injury and opened the door for others, because that is the ONLY way he doesn’t win. So who does that leave us with? For the QBs, we have Spencer, Rfox, Kelly and Pat with their guys. Based on what I have seen, I would rank them D.J. Carter – ATL, Fernando Giraldo – NO, Tevin Wofford – DET, and lastly Dan Archer – JAX at the end of the season. However, none are winning. They won’t cheese enough. It will come down to guys who will push their rookies for awards. That leads me to Kendrick Babineaux – PIT (we saw what he was doing with his rookies last season), and Alex McMillian in MIA (Even though BM has never done anything wrong in the past to get his guys personal gain whatsoever). Could Adel make a run with Alex Sharp? I doubt it. My runner-up pick: Give me Babineaux. 57 carries in his first 2 games tells me KJ will do anything to push him.

Defensive Rookie of the Year – Will Turner – NYJ

He is really good. He is going to keep getting better. User pass rushing makes them even better. And people are going to complain about user pass rush this offseason. Turner will finish between 12-15 sacks. It will be a close race between him and Delvin Givens in LV (who should finish with ~8 INTs).

Offensive Player of the Year – Kamryn Killings, IND

That’s right, I just picked a rookie to win a big award like this. The Colts have a favorable schedule and they are firing on all cylinders already. Will they get the Jake Complex and crumble? History says most likely. BUT I SAY NAY, DAMNIT! AND WE GET TO HEAR ABOUT KK ALL SEASON LONG! PREPARE THE ANUSES!

Defensive Player of the Year – Simmons

“Uhh Field… you left out some details there.” Thank you, dumbass. I did it on purpose. Also, how did you get in here and why are you reading over my shoulder?? SECURITY! (Editor note: I work from home, so my security is usually just my wife offering house guests her home baked goods. Editor note #2: She can’t bake worth shit and usually most people leave before she offers them more.) Anyway… this vote for DPOY will be a TIE! And no, that’s not cheating! Isaiah Simmons in ARI is a freak athlete and does it all, so he should get lots of stats in all the departments. Justin Simmons in DEN is the best FS in the league, and gets to play KCx2, LVx2, LACx2, the AFCN, the Giants, and the Cowboys. That will be 10 INTs minimum. Invest all your moneys in the Simmons brothers. They are studs. And don’t try to lie to me and tell me they aren’t brothers.

MVP: Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. – Tompa Bay Buccaneers

The GOAT. Offensive Weapons galore. 6 games vs. the NFC South. With these elements combined, the regular season MVP is born!

Super Bowl Prediction: New York Jets 34, Philadelphia Eagles 30

And this is the Super Bowl that I off myself for having to watch these two play.

See you all next season!