Inside the Lions’ Den

by Ronlove | 7 years ago | 0 Comments

BREAKING NEWS: In a shocking turn of events, the Detroit Lions have just announced that they have relieved offensive coordinator, Harold Bevell. If the name Bevell sounds familiar, it’s because he is the nephew of Seattle Seahawks’ current offensive coordinator, Darrell Bevell. Harold was on Darrell’s coaching staff until he got hired by the Lions last season.  “Harold came highly recommended by his uncle Darrell. Darrell couldn’t say enough good things about Harold” said Coach RonLove Belichick.  “He made me feel like I’d be crazy not to bring him aboard. What can I say, I trusted the SOB.”

After missing the playoffs with a brutal 8-8 record last season with the offense among the worst in the league, and an 0-1-1 start so far this season, head coach RonLove Belichick’s patience had worn out. “When you have an infected body part, sometimes you gotta cut that limb off to save the rest of the body.” Said coach RonLove. “Now, I’m not saying Bevell is an infection or anything, but I thought it was time that he, er, we went in another direction before it was too late. I wish the kid luck in his future endeavors.” There seems to be no love lost between the two.

When Harold Bevell came to the Lions he promised to make the Lions a “potent offensive scoring machine”. After announcing that he would be installing the Seahawks’ offensive system, he was questioned about whether the Lions personnel was compatible with the system. “They’re football players ain’t they?“ responded Bevell. “Well this is football! They compatible!” After being hired by the Lions, rumors had surfaced that the only reason he was on the Seahawks staff was due to nepotism.  

Shortly after Bevell’s departure from the Lions, the Lions announced the hiring of Mike Sparxx, former offensive assistant of Buffalo Bills coach, Doug Marrone. “I did my due diligence in checking Mike out and I really like what I know about him.” Says Coach RonLove. “He’s very old school, somewhat of a throwback. It’s gonna take some time to get comfortable, but I think we’re gonna catch a lot of people off guard. Everybody’s running spread concepts and are in shotgun most of the time. They’d have you think that the gun is the end all be all. Now don’t get me wrong, shotgun has its place and we’re gonna be in gun too, but we’re gonna be under center a lot. And if you don’t think that being under center brings its own set of challenges to defenses, then you just don’t know football.”  The Lions are 2-0 since Sparxx took over the offense revitalizing Eddie Lacy’s career and unleashing Matthew Stafford in the process.