Week 13 Power Rankings
by PapaManningsPizza | 7 years ago | 1 Comments
I'm back, bitches.
After turning 25, getting engaged, and buying a house, the storm of life has calmed enough for me to pour some unnecessary time into this worthless piece of shit game.
So without further ado, I present my first power rankings blog (actually, just my first blog in general) of Madden 18.
1. Dallas Cowboys (11-0): Hard to argue with America's Team, considering they're the only undefeated team left and the reigning champs. Boasting the 2nd best offense in the NFL and the 3rd best defense, Luke's squad is undoubtedly the most well-rounded team in Zone. All of that being said, it's hard not to look at how whimsically easy their schedule has been. 7 of their 11 wins have been against teams under .500, and their four wins against good teams have come by an average of 7 points. Their most difficult remaining game is against the Redskins in Week 15, who the Cowboys beat 33-31 in Week 9. Outside of that, going 16-0 might not be unfathomable. But fuk them anyways.
2. Buffalo Bills (10-1): Behind sophomore QB Nathan Peterman, the Bills have racked up a lot of points. A league-leading 36 PPG, to be exact. However, their running game has been mediocre, which could become their demise against any good pass defending teams. Their one loss came to the Packers (7-4) in Week 9, but they have rebounded nicely with two big wins. The Bills remaining schedule is almost as much of a cake walk as the Cowboys, but their Week 17 matchup against the Vikings (9-3) should be interesting. Again, it's hard to envision a scenario where the Bills don't get a first-round bye in the playoffs. BILLS MAFIA STAND THE F*$# UP!
3. Minnesota Vikings (9-3): The Vikings have the highest-powered offense in the league, scoring the most points per game in the league (36.0), the most yards per game (435.8), and rank 2nd in the league in both passing yards and rushing yards. Talk about a well-balanced attack. Their downfall? Almost all of their games have been shootouts, as their defense has been sub-par. Because they say defense wins championships, it's hard to put all of my chips in the Vikings basket, but the offense is just hard to look past. Two of their three losses have come when their opponent scored 50+ points, but when the Vikes defense holds opposing offenses under 40, they're undefeated. They will be tested heavily in the remaining weeks, with a rematch against the Packers who defeated the Vikes in Week 7, and games against the Seahawks and Bills to close out the final two weeks of the season. But for now, they sit at three, and their offense will almost certainly carry them to a playoff berth and probably a division title. Skol?
4. Seattle Seahawks (9-2): The Seahawks are 9-2 mainly because of two things; being solid on both sides of the ball, and sharing the offensive wealth. Two players have thrown touchdown passes. Five players have rushed for a TD. And five players have caught at least one. On defense, they've been a turnover machine, with Wagner, Sherman, Lane, Wright, and Tramaine Brock accounting for 16 of the team's takeaways. After splitting with division rival Los Angeles, who sits just one game behind them in the division standings, their only other loss was a total head-scratcher to the Raiders (2-9). The remaining schedule includes three games against teams with winning records, including the Chiefs (9-2), Vikings (9-3), and my beautiful Broncos (6-5). I foresee the Hawks finishing 12-4, and likely just missing a first round bye by the skin of their teeth. But lets not count out those Rams just yet for that division title. But fuk Pete Carroll and his snarky gum chewing ass irl.
5. Cincinnati Bengals (9-2): Now is where we get down to resume. The Bengals have the 7th best offense in the league, but a mediocre (at best) 20th ranked defense. However, the Bengals have shown up in big games, with their only two losses being against quality opponents. We will find out a lot about Cincy in the coming weeks, however, as their final five games include four matchups against teams with winning records. Don't look now, but this team could end up as poorly as 10-6. With the defense they're fielding and the high-octane offenses they're about to face, it isn't crazy. You know what is crazy though? The fact that Andy Dalton sucks so much dick now.
6. Kansas City Chiefs (9-2): Just like in real life, it doesn't really matter how much the Chiefs win, I'm just not sold on them. Part of that is because I beat them in Week 2 when my Broncos were super shitty, and part of it is because they have just been squeaking by the good teams. Their offense is average (20th in the NFL), but their defense is the best in the league and has carried them to this point. As you'll notice, if you can get the Chiefs in a shootout, they might be in trouble. That's likely to be the case, as games remain against the Bengals, Seahawks, and Broncos (again). While they've all but clinched the AFC West, I would be surprised if they're able to make any playoff noise. Especially now that their DE with 34 sacks is all but out of the picture. WTF
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3): To separate the 3 loss teams, you've gotta look at overall production. The Steelers have proved they can be an offensive and defensive force, ranking 9th and 7th in the league, respectively. Somehow, though, the AFC North has become one of the best divisions in football, and that has hurt the Steelers. However, their Week 12 shellacking of the Bengals has them, in my mind, as the next big thing. We'll see how they fare in the rematch in Week 14, but outside of that, the Steelers won't be challenged too much. Look for them to be a sneaky team in the playoffs. Or not. Probably not.
8. Houston Texans (8-3): First off, congrats to their MLB counterpart Astros on winning the series last night. Second off, this team is performing eerily similarly to the real-life Texans, as Deshaun Watson has played out of his mind. 3,275 yards with 35 TDs is spectacular. However, he is on pace for the most turnovers in his career. If he can fix that, this team could be trouble. All three of their losses came to good teams, and somehow, they put 69 points on the Redskins? Is that not against the rules? Wtf? Anyways, two games left against decent teams, but if they can take care of the Jaguars, they'll win the division. Also, just got an update about Deshaun Watson tearing his ACL. Foreshadowing?
9. Los Angeles Rams (8-3): Another surprise team in real life and in the Madden realm. 1st in the NFL in points allowed (20.0), the defense is keeping them in games long enough to make up for the mediocre offensive play. Somehow Isaiah Crowell has carried the load on the ground over Todd Gurley...not sure if that's an injury or a trade or if this dude is just crazy. They've shown flashes of greatness in wins over the Seahawks, Redskins, and Vikings, and an easy schedule keeps them right in the thick of things. Don't sleep on the Rams, because one slip up by the Hawks is all they need to take off. “THIS IS SOME 8-3 BULLSHIT!” – Jeff Fischer, somewhere, probably.
10. Washington Redskins (8-3): The Redskins are closing in on the top ten on both sides of the ball, but they've got their issues. Their passing offense has been pretty poor, and by the looks of their rushing stats, they can't figure out what running back they want to use. Even with no injuries to note, Keith Marshall, Ameer Abdullah, Chris Thompson, and Samaje Perine have all score multiple rushing touchdowns. Kirk Cousins is two interceptions away from breaking his career high, meaning he’s going to have to clean it up if the Skins want to be taken seriously. Also, Redskins…70-3 win this week? Is that being swept under the rug or wtf?
11. Los Angeles Chargers (7-4): Leading off the 4 loss teams is another divisional opponent of mine. It’s mainly because they have the 6th best defense in the league, and their offense is exceeding expectations. You’ve gotta remember, Madden is separate from reality. And even if you want to roll your eyes at the real life Chargers, they’re a team that is Madden stacked. This dude stomped my ass in Week 1, and rattled off two more wins before getting stomped by the Chiefs in Week 4 and I got redemption in Week 6. They kept things competitive the second time around against KC, and have taken advantage of poor opponents since. The problem is, the Chargers have yet to beat a team that’s “good”. I probably would’ve put Cleveland ahead of them, but Cleveland lost to him. Two tough games left on the schedule in a tight AFC, so don’t be surprised if the Chargers end up as a bubble team that could be bounced in or out in Week 17.
12. Cleveland Browns (7-4): This dude absolutely destroyed me the other night. I know I suck, you don’t need to remind me. But I turned the ball over EIGHT TIMES. EIGHT! I’ve never done that. I don’t know how it happened. It was a tight game and before I knew it I had benched Paxton Lynch in favor of Chad Kelly and the score was 54-25. That being said, outside of their win over the Chiefs, the Browns really haven’t beaten anyone impressive. Deshone Kizer has been mediocre at best, throwing 20 TDs to 15 INTs, and has been sacked 26 times. Spencer Ware has been a decent work horse out of the back field, and their defense ranks #12 in the league. While he whooped my ass, I’m not convinced that he’s ready to make any noise this year. But don’t be surprised if next year is a different story.
13. Philadelphia Eagles (6-5): My power rankings, my rules. I know they’re only 6-5, but the Eagles have been a victim to a difficult schedule. And despite that, they have still played pretty well behind their 9th ranked defense and their offense averaging 31.0 points per game. Having to play the Cowboys and Redskins twice is no easy task. Not to mention most of their non-division opponents have been tough as well. After this week’s rematch with the undefeated Cowboys, the schedule lightens up a bit and the Eagles could make a move up the standings. In a wide open NFC, I think they get in at 10-6.
14. Jacksonville Jaguars (7-4): The Jags have lost three of their last four, and this is probably the last you’ll see of them this high in the rankings. They haven’t fully taken advantage of a favorable schedule early, and their schedule in the remaining five weeks is one of the toughest in the league. It’s entirely conceivable that they lose every game from here on out and finish at 7-9. My Broncos await in Week 13, followed by the Eagles, Bengals, Cowboys, and Texans. Gulp.
15. Green Bay Packers (8-4): Any team with Aaron Rodgers and company is good, but in Madden it’s usually even better. Combine that with the fact that they are averaging 114 rushing yards per game, and it’s a solid formula. Rookie RB Myron Parmele, the 17th pick in the draft last season, has run wild on opposing defenses., and Rodgers has thrown for nearly 3,000 yards and 30 TDs. Their problems lie on the defensive side of the ball, where they are giving up nearly 400 yards per game. If they can figure out their defense, look out.
16. Denver Broncos (6-5): On the outside looking in at the top 15 is my Denver Broncos. They had a lot of momentum building after winning two in a row, and then the Browns came to town to give me a Cleveland Steamer. Three tough games coming up, and it’ll be interesting to see if Coach Swan throws Paxton back in after being benched last week, or if he’ll stick with Swag Kelly behind center.
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5): The Bucs are being carried almost entirely by the 4th ranked offense in the league, considering their defense is absolute garbage. Jameis Winston has had a solid season to this point, and they’ve shown their force in games like their win over the Bengals. However, at other times they have looked miserable, like in their 38-13 loss to the Falcons. The Bucs have to get some defense if they want teams to take them seriously, and even though offense wins championships in Madden, they won’t be able to score 40 points every game. Look for them to focus on defensive acquisitions this offseason.
18. Atlanta Falcons (4-7): You want a shakeup in the power rankings? I’ll give you a shakeup. To say the Falcons have underperformed would be a gross misstatement. Their record is not indicative of how they’ve played. They currently have the 8th best offense in the league, and the 4th best defense in the league. Matt Ryan has played very well, their running back tandem of Freeman and Coleman has played well, and their defense has been forcing turnovers right and left. Over half of their games have been against teams with significant winning records, and it has been bad luck for A-Town. The Bengals and Steelers still lurk in Week 16 and 17, so maybe they should just look forward to next year. But watch for them to play spoiler from here on out.
19. Chicago Bears (5-6): The Bears are in a similar boat with the Falcons, but with much worse defense. Mitch Trubisky hasn’t been playing terrible, but he’s been sacked 27 times this season, and was sacked 41 times last season. Have you no shame? GET THIS MAN A LINE! They had a good win in Week 2 against the Packers, but since then it has been rough sailing. Two tough games left, against the Redskins in Week 14 and the Rams in Week 17. Outside of that, I think they could pull out a win or two.
20. New York Jets (4-8): Another shakeup? Coming right up. The Jets, like the Falcons, have played better than their record suggests. The acquisition of Matt Stafford has helped tremendously., as they have a top ten offense and rank 2nd in passing yards per game. Again, the problem here is on the defensive side of the ball. Get some defense and these boys might just compete. They stomped the Packers in Week 3, only to get stomped themselves the following five weeks. There’s no hope for this season, as games against the Bills and Chiefs are left. But with the Patriots a non-factor, look for the Jets to be aggressive.
21. Miami Dolphins (5-6): The Dolphins can score a little, but tend to get scored on a lot. They have the third worst defense in the league, and it shows. Jay Ajayi, after vetoing a trade to the Eagles for a measly 4th round pick, has been a majority of the offensive firepower. Tannehill still blows, and if the Dolphins want to get any better, they’d be best advised to trash Tannehill and see who else they can land.
22. Detroit Lions (5-6): The reincarnation of Tim Tebow has shown flashes of Mile High Magic, but also flashes of the player that currently plays minor league baseball. They stomped the Vikings in Week 5 by putting up 58 points, and then lost to the, at the time, winless Patriots. Yikes. Definitely some holes on this team that need to be addressed. The next three games will put the Lions through the gauntlet, as they head to Seattle, Buffalo, and Green Bay, who only have six losses between them.
23. Tennessee Titans (4-8): Another team that can score, but likes to get scored on. Playing in a division with the Jags and Texans doesn’t help, but the offense can rack up yards in a hurry. Mariota and Cole Kelley have seemingly split time behind center, while DeMarco Murray and Derrick Henry do the same in the backfield. No quality wins yet for the Tits and it looks like they might be hard to come by this season.
24. New Orleans Saints (4-7): You want to show sympathy to a player in this league? Show it to Drew Brees, who has gotten his poor, scar-faced old ass beat to hell this season. Sure, he’s thrown for almost 3,000 yards at a 70% clip, but he’s only got 17 TDs on the year, while being sacked 22 times and picked off 10 times. Do you guys not have any respect for this literal saint? Running game sucks. He has shitty receivers. His line sucks. But luckily, they should be able to squeak out two more wins.
25. Carolina Panthers (3-9): Ah, the bottom seven. A glorious spot to be. Leading us off in the toilet of the league is the Panthers, who just haven’t been able to get anything going. Christian McCaffrey has pretty much been a one man show in Carolina, as Cam Newton’s ego always ends up getting in the way. Their defense blows, and is 30th in the league. The one bright spot of the season? Nearly knocking off the unbeaten Cowboys in Week 11 and the Vikings in Week 12. But almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades. Relatively easy schedule from here on out aside from their Week 17 matchup against the Seahawks.
26. Oakland Raiders (2-9): Now we’re really splitting hairs from here on out. The Raiders have the best offense of the remaining teams, aside from the Patriots (who still can’t win somehow). Derek Carr is playing like ass. Rookie Jaxson Cope has been running hard while Marshawn Lynch jacks off on the sidelines. And that pretty much sums it up for the Raiders. They’ve had some close calls with some good teams, but just haven’t been able to get the job done, except for their huge upset last week over the Seahawks. Playoff dreams are long gone in Oakland, but they’ll be looking to spoil my hopes of the postseason in Week 14, the Browns’ hopes in Week 15, and the Chargers’ in Week 16.
27. Baltimore Ravens (2-10): The Ravens are getting old, and it’s time to replace some of the faces of the franchise. That includes Joe Flacco, who has 18 TDs. Hopefully the Ravens’ front office realizes that this division is as tough as ever, and it’s not because of themselves. The good news for them? They kicked my Broncos ass in Week 3 and knocked off the Raiders in Week 9. Maybe they should just move to the AFC West.
28. San Francisco 49ers (2-10): CJ Beathard has tried his darndest, and so has Carlos Hyde. But it hasn’t gotten them anywhere. Tough schedule remaining, and I think they should just be looking for a high draft pick at this point. The good news? There are four teams lower than them in the rankings, and the Niners defense isn’t horrid.
29. Arizona Cardinals (1-10): Yikes. Down to the one win teams, and the Cardinals only win was against the 49ers who aren’t much better. Defense is decent, but the offense is the worst in the league. Let’s work on that.
30. New England Patriots (1-11): I know they’ve been on AP forever, but their offense still ranks #5 in the league. That’s impressive. Defense? None to be found. As soon as this team gets a decent user, their fate will change. Until then? Scrub the bottom of the rankings.
31. Indianapolis Colts (1-10): No comment here. They blow.
32. New York Giants (1-11): They blow even worse.
There are my rankings! They take forever to do, so you bastards better appreciate my hard work. Peace.