If Every SML Member Was In The MCU
by ItsTheFazz | 4 years ago | 0 Comments
What do you get when RD and NYT tell me to assign MCU characters to each member of the SML? You get this: A meticulously crafted list comparing our beloved SML members to the heroes and villains of the MCU.
Were RD and NYT totally kidding when they told me to do this? Almost definitely. Did RD and NYT underestimate the amount of free time I have at work? Absolutely definitely.
We start with the disclaimer- like the SML memes, these are made in good fun and not to offend anyone. Also, I kept these strictly to how characters act and are presented in the MCU. If you have any deep comic knowledge of storylines that not even Stan Lee's mom has read, those will not be taken into consideration for these comparisons. I made each comparison based on both personality and ability/results in SML games played. It's tough to get perfect comparisons in a comic book world where most of the characters are OP and never lose, but they're at least close enough. There is an absolutely insane amount of spoilers to follow, but if you haven't seen them by now I don't think there's much I can do for you. Lastly, if you don't like your character... I don't know what to tell you. I did my best.
All right. Avengers, assemble. We go division by division, starting in the NFC North.
Fazz- Thanos
We start with the obvious. I mean, the founder of the Thanos Club picked Thanos for a reason. Often misunderstood, Thanos only wants to save the world from impending doom by creating balance among the living. Cue Fazz. After watching the NFC get completely bullied in EVERY SML PODCAST, I had to take matters into my own hands. Yeah, I'll do this myself. A fresh SML titan, I now tirelessly work to bring balance to the SML in any way I see fit. Now just you wait until I get my Simbardi and complete my victory in the Infinity War.
Mike- Rocket Raccoon
Mike is truly loveable, but honestly? Also kind of a dick. Mike is not afraid to tell you that he thinks you're wrong and he will hold his ground without giving a singular inch. His gameplay is offensive- if not totally calculated- and can do a lot of damage, but also will harm himself almost as often as the opposition. He can come off brash and unfriendly and thinks 90% of Madden is cheese, but deep down Mike needs the SML and loves (most of) the members.
Hova- Baby Groot
There's no doubt in my mind that if I had to pick one completely wholesome personality in the SML, it would be Hova. You can't tell me him spinning on First and Goal didn't warm your heart immediately. Sure, Hova doesn't win many games and his offense can barely harm a fly. Who cares? We all love him anyway and the NFCN will die defending him.
Figgs- Korg
Everyone loves Korg, right? Introduced in Thor: Ragnarok, Korg becomes a loved character seemingly out of left field. Figgs is a genuinely likeable guy, so he's got that going for him. The problem is in the gameplay, which is... poor, at best. Korg suffers the same fate. We originally meet him in jail after failing to pass out enough fliers to join his revolution, leading to him becoming a gladiator punching bag. We see Korg again in Avengers: Endgame getting bullied on Fortnite by Noobmaster69. It's safe to say competition isn't Korg's finest quality. Unfortunately Figgs, you've suffered the same fate, but you're a lovable character nonetheless.
NYT- Ant Man
Everyone be honest with yourselves- when you first saw the trailer for Ant-Man, your first thought was "huh". You see NYT play, and most of the time you leave the game with the same feeling. Then you realize what the point of Ant-Man is: we're not here to watch Ant-Man be a driving force in the MCU, much like we aren't expecting SML domination from NYT. No, like Ant-Man, NYT is here to be a valuable supporting member, contributing in his own special way and mostly being comic relief.
Woods- Doctor Strange
I can't think of anyone more fitting than Doctor Strange for Woods. A valued senior member of the MCU, Doctor Strange's wisdom and insight far surpasses many of the younger heroes. This lands him a prominent role in basically guiding Tony Stark through the events of Infinity War and the final battle of Endgame. Like Woods, Strange doesn't do much fighting- in fact, when he does fight he gets captured in, like, 11 seconds- but that's not where his value lies. Without him to hold the admin team steady, where would we be? Without him to hold back the random typhoon that started in Endgame, would the whole universe drown?
KJ- Vision
This one might come off a little weird, right? I mean, the world's only vibranium synthezoid powered by the Mind Stone is a pretty powerful dude, and KJ is... well, he doesn't exactly have a track record of victory in the SML. But when you REALLY think about it... does Vision? Yes, he helps power the Avengers in the fight against Ultron that they eventually win, but after that? I mean, this dog just be taking L after L, man. Like, how many times we gonna watch this dude die? He dies in tragic fashion on Wakanda in Infinity War as Wanda literally takes the life from him by destroying the stone... ONLY TO THEN GET BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY THE TIME STONE AND REKILLED BY THANOS SECONDS LATER. Then of course the entire Avengers squad and their extended family and friends get brought back for the final battle... but not our boy Vision. Nope, his corpse is still laying on a field in Wakanda, all grey'd out and lifeless with a big freaking hole in his head. Fam, it ain't fun being Vision. With that said, like Vision, KJ never complains and is truly as pure a soul as you can ask for, just going out and getting PS5s and shipping them around the country for us. KJ, we salute you, even though we gotta keep watching you die over and over again.
TwoStep- Black Widow
Is part of this comparison just an excuse to sneak a Scarlett Johansen picture in here? I mean, I can't say that didn't play a factor. With that said, TwoStep and Black Widow have followed similar character arcs. Like Black Widow, TwoStep appears on the scene as mostly an afterthought in the AFCN. The division clearly looked like NYT or Woods' for the taking, but towards the end of the season we started seeing some progression. Maybe TwoStep can make a run? Maybe this chick that keeps showing up in Iron Man is going to end up with a bigger role? Well, yes and no. TwoStep never got his title, and while Black Widow ends up a feature member of the Avengers, she never really stands much of a chance as a simple human spy fighting against literal demigods. Much like TwoStep's potential AFCN title, the Black Widow feature movie is just coming too late in the game, considering she's, well, already dead.
Q- Ebony Maw
We head to the NFCE, the home of the Thanos Club. At their height we have Q, my Ebony Maw. Powerful and strong, Q joined the SML and has asserted his dominance on the NFCE ever since. A perfect right hand man in my search for global domination, Q has been swift in imposing his will on the rest of the league. The big wins haven't come yet, but you can't hold down Ebony forever. Though some have doubted his loyalty and he's powerful enough to take on his own fight, I never waver in my confidence in him.
Rowin- Cull Obsidian
The most loyal of the Thanos Club members, there's no questioning where Row stands with the club. Quick to back any of his club members, you can always be sure if you pick a fight with the Thanos Club, Row will be jumping in in minutes. The all offense-no defense brute has yet to fully put the strategy together, but it's only a matter of time. Watch out for this one once he gets rolling.
Klinke- Proxima Midnight
Proxmia is no treat to look at, much like Klinke's play in a majority of his SML tenure to this point. With that said, you know there's potential in there somewhere. I mean, you can't rise to darn near the top of the Black Order without it, right? The two siblings of the Thanos Club bicker back and forth almost constantly, but it brings out the best in both and one day they could be a dominant force together.
Gramz- Loki
The only member of the NFCE not a full time member of the Thanos Club, Gramz finds himself in and out of many circumstances and circles. Sometimes associated with the Thanos Club, considered an associate of "The Clique"... where exactly do Gramz's loyalties lie? Does anyone know? Does Gramz know? I'm not sure that question can ever be answered. Everything around Gramz is clouded and no one can give an accurate answer- just like his gameplay that sporadically flip flops from fantastic to terrible with the wind.
Pauly- Heimdall
The watcher of Asgard, nothing gets past Heimdall. He defends the magical city with his life and keeps watch over all living things, much like the keeper of the SML gates. Pauly sees and hears EVERYTHING. His "spies" are constantly creeping around the league, gathering any and all intel they can find to be used in the next episode of Da Truth. No part of your gameplay is safe, as Pauly will find, watch, and digest every aspect of it with a level of detail us mere mortals could never understand. Unfortunately for Pauly and Heimdall, as soon as it comes time to fight the Dark Elves fly right past him and Hella contributes to burning Asgard down to the ground, then he meets Thanos for 5 seconds and dies immediately. But he was really cool before all of that happened.
Matt- Ultron
Ultron bursts onto the MCU scene in the closing act of Phase 2, and as soon as you see this guy you're thinking man, we're in trouble. Similar thoughts were had about Matt when he joined us midway into this cycle. Taking over from a rather poor Patriots owner, Matt came in and breathed new life into the Patriots. We then saw him fully capitalize on the Madden Meta and Iform his way into the playoffs, literally just bullying people with time of possession and reach-for-it first downs. At first you're looking around thinking nothing can stop this guy... and then 3/4s of the way through the movie you realize oh, wait, it's not nearly as op as maybe we originally thought. He tries expanding too fast, preparing his Sokovian nuke of a passing offense only to watch it get snuffed out and stifled, leaving Ultron to go back and reevaluate everything. The only difference is that Matt is mostly just floundering around .500 in the AFC and Ultron... well, he dies. So at least your fate is better than your character's, Matt.
Nole- Red Skull
I wasn't here for Madden 20, so the version of Nole pre-roof incident is a foreign concept to me. From what I can gather in conversations, it sounds like he was pretty good. This sets Nole up as a perfect comp with Red Skull. Disclaimer, no, I am not calling Nole a Nazi. If you think that, it's time to close the article because you're taking this a little too literally and I'm worried. Johann Schmidt is a prominent figure in Captain America 1, running the Hydra special weapons division. He's powerful and ambitious, and exactly what I picture someone would be after having a successful M20 cycle in the SML. Unfortunately, like Schmidt, Nole might have been too ambitious. Madden 21 has not been kind, and one could say the game has just simply rejected him. Now, he tragically guides others to a treasure that he cannot possess. Sad, really. Moment of silence for Nole. Okay, that's enough.
Latin- Howard The Duck
Didn't know Howard The Duck was in the MCU? Well, fine, I'm a nerd. But also shame on you for not watching the post credit scenes and studying them religiously. Howard The Duck is... obscure. And often missing. So yeah, that sounds just about perfect for Latin. The poor guy got stuck with the Jets, doesn't win often, and is on the inactive GORT hitlist preeeeeety often. So that's not great, but at least he's in the universe, right?
RD- Deadpool
RD takes a lot of flack from Prime for being boring. Counterpoint: RD is not boring at all. Sure, his offense isn't the most creative (oh look, Cam Akers has the ball again, I'm so surprised) but dang if RD isn't funny. He spices up the chat as a loyal member of #TeamPetty and jumps in and out of the Thanos Club so often no one can keep track of where he's at. RD do as RD do, and not much is going to change that. You keep doing you, RD. The rest will figure it out and fall in line eventually.
Dump- Peter Quill
Dump and Peter Quill are almost as similar as they get. Both are kind of goofy, both constantly think they've been disrespected, and both routinely shoot themselves in the foot. Hey, I'm running the ball really well? Let me throw a pick. Wow, we've almost got the Infinity Gauntlet off Thanos? This seems like a great time to punch him in the face and wake him up. The guy desperately wants to win the big one, but something always seems to find a way of stopping him, especially when it comes to being distracted by the girl. Those dang girls, man. Always in the way.
Tiny- Vulture
Maybe an odd selection, but hang tight. Look, when we first meet Vulture, he's a real likeable dude, right? I mean, a true family man and leader, this guy just wants his boys on the jobsite to have work and to provide a living for their families. Nothing means more to buddy than the wife and kid. The only thing though is this man just keeps taking Ls. First, the cleanup job goes south, forcing Adrian Toomes to go criminal and start selling weapons on the black market. I mean, there was probably a step that could have been taken despite going immediately to crime, but that's how he rolls I guess. Then after getting into black market weapon sales, Spider-Man figures him out and starts to mess up the business. Not cool, Spidey. Then, icing on the cake, dude's daughter starts dating Spider-Man, which has to be the most absurd bit of bad luck ever. Of course Spidey is just a kid, so he can take him, right? Nah. Our boy Toomes takes that L as well, much like Tiny in just about every week of the Madden regular season. Look, Tiny, we feel for you and we like you. Just don't turn to crime on us- even though a podcast with Prime might be close. Heyo.
Meats- Hulk
I'll shoot straight- Meats kinda gets dunked on a lot. Between the folding chair narrative and getting called out on chat double standards, it's not easy being Meats. He hides behind his stats and his graphics and declares he's back after every win, but there's gotta be some pent up anger in there somewhere, right? I mean, it's not the only thing pent up, you know, working for Amazon and all- anyone got a bottle lying around? Meats goes on the offensive often, though that offense is basically a one trick pony. Still, it's plenty enough to beat up on some of the pour souls that come in contact with him, leaving a trail of bodies demoralized by escape artist and cover 3. Then he goes up against the big boys and the one trick gets slowed down a little, culminating in QBStud clapping his cheeks so hard some have feared he'll never recover, much like when Hulk gets sent to the shadow realm by Thanos in Infinity War.
Dan- Tony Stark
I don't think there's any doubt as to who Tony Stark would be in our SML universe. Dan is the easy choice for the job. Often considered the best player in the league, few have challenged Dan to this point. He tirelessly studies the game and gameplans for his opponent, leaving little doubt that he's fully prepared with every tool at his disposal in order to win. I'm sure Tony wakes up at night with nightmares of Thanos, and there's no way Dan doesn't wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking about what play he's going to use against Prime on 3rd and 3 in the redzone. The mission comes before any and all other things, with Dan not resting until he assures the SML is safe from the tyrannical rule of Thanos. This mission is accomplished in the non-canon ending of Avengers: Endgame, but thankfully the canon ending takes place before that with Thanos ultimately prevailing in Infinity War.
DW- Drax
First off, you can't tell me DW doesn't look like a UFC fighter, so I'm glad that's out of the way. Drax is hilarious and a great addition to any team, much like how DW made himself a valuable member of the SML nearly immediately. The more screen time he gets the more he shines, even if his offensive game revolves around charging head first into fights that don't always go well for him. Like Drax, DW's Chargers are a behemoth, but sometimes the strategy just isn't quite there to close out the final push. This can kill against titans like Dan- his current number one rival- but with each battle he gets a little bit stronger.
*Wandavision spoilers ahead. Skip this guy if you haven't seen the show and don't want it spoiled.
Raider- The "other" Quicksilver
I'm foregoing the picture here to remain spoiler free, but if there's anyone that's going to be that *other* Quicksilver, it's Raider. Taking over for the beloved ZZ, we're all a little surprised he's here. After an incident at the team draft I'm told we don't talk about (he rage quit), it looked like Raider's time in the SML universe had come to an end. Then, when we least expected it, viola, he's back! Raider takes over for ZZ's Chiefs and proceeds to... well, do not really anything with them. Much like Wandavision's Quicksilver, Raider plays reckless, posts some... questionable... things in chat (maybe avoid the strip club stories?) and is overall a giant wildcard. So, pretty much exactly like this random reincarnation of Quicksilver in Wandavision that came out of left field and was conjured up by some sorceress.
Future- Bucky Barnes
Like MCU's Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier, Future is powerful and can pack a punch. Also much like MCU's Bucky, Future always seems to be in limbo waiting to be fully back. The long time best friend of Steve Rogers, Bucky dies a tragic death in Captain America 1, falling off a train into the Siberian abyss during WW2. Of course, since it's a comic book story he doesn't actually die (somehow?) and is instead resurrected by the Soviets and used as a super assassin, but doesn't really show up prominently until 2014 in Captain America 2. He disappears again at the end of the movie, only for Steve to find him and create a massive Civil War among the MCU heroes thanks to his impressively awful communication skills. The Civil War wraps up and Bucky goes away again to be frozen in Wakanda until needed in Infinity War. So that's really just a lot of context to tell you that this guy comes and goes with the wind and has never been a feature guy, much like the SML and asking their favorite question of "is Future back?". Well, is he? I don't know. Is Bucky around? WHO KNOWS.
Dmues- The Mandarin
Dmues is an interesting one, and hard to find a character for. In fact, most of the NFCS took some extra thought. For Dmues I needed someone who burst on the scene looking dangerous then fizzled out. Enter The Mandarin. This guy was introduced in Iron Man 3 looking like a terrifying world destroyer, bombing people left and right and sending Tony Stark's house into oblivion. Dmues had a similar entrance onto the SML scene, taking over a light NFCS then having the fortune of playing my AI in the playoffs en route to an NFC championship game berth. Of course that's where he ran into RD and things haven't been super smooth since, much like when Tony finds The Mandarin and realizes he's a literal paid actor that isn't in charge of anything. The plus side? The Mandarin (AKA Trevor) seems like a super chill dude and cool to hangout with and play Fifa, and Dmues seems like much of the same. So good for you, Dmues.
Field- Nick Fury
Was there any doubt? With Field's boisterous and firey personality, he gets none other than the commander himself- Nick Fury. The once admin turned regular member still has a prominent say in things (or at least I'm assuming he does, being Prime's brother and all), much like Nick himself after the Avengers become their own thing after the whole SHIELD debacle. Still, Nick always finds a way to make himself known, including making the clutch call to Captain Marvel right before getting dusted. Sure, Fury is never around for any of the actual fighting (and neither is Field with his 3 wins a season), but it's the spunk and the commentary that count, dangit. Plus, if there's anyone in this league I anticipate dropping a motherf***er, it's 100000% Field.
Lawyer- Guardians 1 Groot
Beloved, heroic, and gone. That's the Lawyer legacy, or so it seems. The past Simbardi champ parades his trophy around on First and Goal for good reason, but it seems plausible that the days of contending for a championship might be gone. That's okay though, because Lawyer is blessed with a level of SML immortality that only few of us could ever hope to reach, much like adult Groot from Guardians 1. Though is time was brief and his lines limited, Groot blessed us with some wonderful memories. His absolute demolition of Ronin's minions with one arm followed by a giddy smile is one of the greatest highlights of Guardians 1, and I imagine Lawyer winning his Simbardi was done in similar fashion. We also all shed a tear watching Groot sacrifice himself to save the rest of the family, something I have no doubt Lawyer would do for the SML if saving was ever needed.
Colt- The Collector
Wild and eccentric, does anyone REALLY know what's going on in New Orleans this cycle? No? Glad to clear that up. Much like The Collector gathering Infinity Stones, Colt took a studly New Orleans team and then added some nice pieces, like his XF QB. Also like The Collector, I'm not sure Colt knows what he's doing with said pieces. Now, in the Collector's defense, Thanos came and, even though we never SAW it, I think it's safe to assume he wreaked havoc on Nowhere and took the Reality Stone by force. That... hasn't exactly happened for Colt, as he cut Minshew for nothing directly after acquiring SS dev, shipped Cameron Jordan out for a bag of peanuts, and then launched Michael Thomas off into the sun. Still, the point remains that both sat on a wealth of riches and ended up with nothing to show for it. But hey, that's showbiz sometimes.
Coop- Spider-Man
I know, we all wish we were as cool as Coop. Shoot, Coop might be the coolest dude in the league. There's no doubt that, much like Peter Parker, Coop might make for the best hangout in the league. Fighting wise, yeah, he doesn't exactly stack up with the big guns, but even superhumans need a break sometimes. How many punches from Captain America can you take at a time, honestly? But Coop can dish it pretty good at times (he even has a mythological First and Goal victory), there's no one more entertaining when it comes to his wit and comedic relief, and no one can question his commitment to the greater good.
Koopa- Miek
Yeah, I bet you weren't anticipating a Miek sighting in this article, were you? Well, neither was I, but here we are. Why Miek? Great question. Well, for one, he's tough to find. Legit, I didn't even have his name right when I was doing my search for images. I've only had to schedule with Koopa twice since the cycle started, but let's just say the reputation isn't exactly there. Second, Miek is offensive- you know, knives for hands and all- but doesn't seem to really have a plan, given we never actually see him fight. Being buried in the devastating AFCS will do that to you, even if you do have Deshaun Watson and Will Fuller. Lastly, we've thought he was dead on multiple occasions, just to pop back up and resurface despite Prime constantly threatening to drop 50 on his head. Keep up the fighting spirit, Koopa, we salute you.
Bomber- Captain America
Come on, no one else could carry this mantle but Bomber. The SML saint, Bomber not only produces 97% of SML content, but he does it so cheerfully we can't help but smile. His game commentary is a dream, and he already has his season 3 week 7 game scheduled for NEXT cycle. It takes a certain breed of guy to be willing to anything from jump on the grenade or volunteer for life altering experiments to save the SML, and you know Bomber is willing to do it. The only bumpy road came during the Sokovian Accords (Dookie) where Bomber almost lost his marbles and helped cause a massive divide within the league, but those days are past, relationships are put back together, and the Civil War ended. Bomber is a true SML hero.
Prime- Mantis
I'm sure this is not the character you expected for the head huncho, but think about it. What is Mantis? Raw emotion. This is not unlike our fearless leader. Mantis spends her time in the MCU feeling emotions, lulling people to sleep, and trying to convince us she isn't a threat. Prime is much of the same. He's constantly toying with emotions, posting polls on how much he's going to score, threatening people with GORT, and lulling you to sleep only to steal your best player that you would think is totally not tradeable but don't get me started. I mean come on, the guy has like 15 defensive superstars, how can that NOT be mind control? Then this whole "washed goat" spiel. I DON'T BUY IT. All that to say, if you feel your SML mood constantly shifting, Prime is probably somewhere in the background pulling the strings, looking and acting innocent as can be while being silently deadly.
Bonus Content:
Retired ZZ- OG Quicksilver
Awesome, important, impactful, and gone too soon. That's our ZZ. Much like the OG MCU Quicksilver, ZZ's team was built on blazing speed and nothing else. They also didn't win very often. Despite this, we all loved him. ZZ was the man, the myth, the legend. The SML isn't the same without him, doesn't advance as prematurely, and Prime got 20x more emotional after his departure. His replacement hasn't exactly reached the same bar (despite ZZ not exactly setting it high in the win column), and we hope that somehow, one day, we see his full reincarnation.
Ostrich- Corvus Glaive
We don't know all that much about him, but what we do know is that Corvus Glaive is a killer. The final piece of the Thanos Club to fill in, we eagerly await the promotion of the Academic Ostrich, a promotion that we would like to see expedited. When this boy gets here he's gonna be a problem, and if you need proof, go take a peek at his superb Primer SB victory. The Club eagerly awaits your arrival, Corvus.
Spooky- Captain Marvel
I'll be straight, I really haven't seen much of Spooky's actual Madden ability yet, so this could be pretty off when it comes to power level. Disregarding that potential oversight, a soldier off fighting a foreign battle just waiting to return and breathe fresh air into the SML? Yeah, Spooky fits the bill. Despite not even being in the league currently, Spooky still blesses us with his presence in chat and tosses out some pretty clean graphics. We eagerly await his return and can't wait to see him back in his rightful place in the SML.
That's all I've got for you. Hopefully you enjoyed and hopefully Prime doesn't mind control me into retiring tonight. If I go missing, you know what to do.