NFL Power Rankings.

It’s that time of year again. New beginnings for every team. Every fan is now sure that their team is going to be hoisting the Lombardy trophy (as delirious as that may be).

We do have some new teams and the power rankings may get shaken up a bit…when they prove themselves.

I am going to be steady talking shit to the bottom half of the teams. But if I didn’t talk shit about them no one would talk about them at all. In all seriousness I’m laughing at them not with them so lighten up.

Let’s begin.

1.Buccaneers- Who else could it be but the Buccaneers? Back to back Super Bowl* wins. Yes that asterisk is on purpose. Unfortunately do to a glitch some elite teams were eliminated from the playoffs. I’m not saying they would have lost to any of these teams I’m just saying will never know. You still can’t put an asterisk by them when it comes to being the #1 team in this League though.
2.Ravens- Their game in the Super Bowl reminded me of the old man holding the fishing pole with a dollar at the end of it in those Geico commercial “almost had it”. The Ravens held the Patriots to a Field goal in the AFC championship though. They’re a tough team and with a few adjustments they may be holding the Lombardi trophy.
3.Eagles- you know what’s motivation for a top tier team? Getting glitches out the playoffs. The Eagles are coming in Hot. Prepare for the wrath and the always annoying fans with their “Fly Eagle Fly”. 
4.Patriots- 21-3 loss in the AFC Championship will leave a sour taste in anyones mouth. The patriots have added a few pieces in the draft and are ready for revenge.
5.Texans- You know what a scorned woman and the Texans have in common? They’re vindictive and out to make someone pay. Just like the Eagles they were glitched out of the playoffs. The Texans are an elite team and have motivation to give everything they got.
6.Colts- The Colts were my dark horse. They’re no longer a dark horse. They’re a known commodity. That comes with ups and downs. Ups…they get the respect they deserve. Downs…teams are now prepared and will play them tougher.
7.Panthers- The Panthers are a good team..just not elite. Losing by 30 points in the playoffs to THEEEE Buccaneers showed the Panthers how far they have to go. But they are still in the conversation with the elite…just talked about last.
8.Browns- Not sure what happened in the playoffs but it was embarrassing. They may not have been trying but they need to step up their game. They’re better than they played.
9.Cardinals- One of my favorite high flying teams. Lots of promise..and disappointment. They lost in the NFC Championship game by 45 points. It was never close. If they can find some balance they will be a scary team.
10.Rams- Victims of the playoff Glitch. They deserved better than losing to the Lions in a Sim game. They have some things to work on…but with the addition of Aaron Rodgers I think they have a chance to go to the next level.
11.Saints- Saints spent time on the phone with the Lawyers advertising “have you been a victim of playoff glitches? Contact us now for a chance at attribute point compensation”. This was a good year to prove they belong in conversation with the greats…new year now. Show us.
12.Chiefs- Yes they were victimized by the playoff glitch…but on a list of teams people felt sorry for because they had a chance to win it all…the Chiefs weren’t on it. No one believed they would beat the Ravens. That’s their motivation. Prove your haters wrong. Attack this season.
13.Jets- yes you’ve heard this before. Glitch victim #16. But let’s be honest, the last time the Jets beat the Patriots…wait I don’t remember them beating them. But that doesn’t mean they can’t. The Jet had an extremely good draft and fans are excited. Win this Division Jets. Show us you’re contenders.
14. Lions- In 1930 the lions came into the NFL. They had many amazing fans who said their only dreams was for the Lions to win a Super Bowl…all of them died dreamless.  Lions have more to prove than any other playoff team…and after all the years of disappointment for fans it’s time.
15.Giants- Close is only good if you’re talking about horse shoes or hand grenades. The Giants had a chance to make the playoffs and failed. It’s time Giants. Play smart and don’t wasters S.Barkley like the Lions waster B.Sanders.
16.Raiders- The Raiders are now in Las Vegas. What do the Raiders and Las Vegas Casinos have in common? They promise big wins and a fun time and leave you broke and depressed. They’re still in the top half of the league…for now.
17. Cowboys- Theres a quote from the movie “A Bronx Tale” that domes up the Cowboys perfectly… “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent”. The Cowboys have one of the most talented rosters in the NFL and they’re wasting it. They’re not bad…they just make bad decisions.
18.Dolphins- What do the the Dolphins relationship with the Patriots and Jets have in common with a domestic violence victim? They keep getting their ass beat and they can’t leave their relationship. The Dolphins are on the cusp…I just don’t know what they need to do to get over the hump.
19.Washington Football Team- Such a bland team right now. And that’s sad. They have talent on their team. With no picks in the 1st or 2nd rd they better hope they got what they need to carry their future.
20.Titans- This team has a lot to look forward to. They have a lot of talent on the team and just acquired Russel Wilson. He’s getting old but he will give them a boost for the next 3 years.
21.Bengals- What do you get when you have one of the best young Quarterbacks, Running Backs and Wide Receivers in the NFL? Well if you’re the Bengals you get a 7-10 season and disappointed fans. How disappointing? Like meeting a chick and bring her home only to find out that was toilet paper stuffed in a bra that got you excited.
22.Steelers- Remember when Manti Te'o said he had a girlfriend and then she didn’t exist? That’s like the Steelers. They said they had a defense and we found out it didn’t exist.
23.Jaguars- They have one of the best QB/WR combos in the league. They added some key pieces in the off-season. Can you please stop sucking now. I feel like someone needs to make a meme with the guy poking them with a stick saying “do something”.
24.Bears- I would tell you that their fans are upset but I don’t think any Bear fans are sober enough to realize their team sucks.
25.Bills- Josh Allen. Wasted talent. I’ve went over this before. They are in a tough division though. I guess.
26.Vikings- Their fans are so used to losing every year is the next year. But remember when we won a championship before the AFC and NFC merged. No one cares.
27.Broncos- They’re like Ninjas. No one even knows they’re there.
28.49ers- Cpu team last year. Allegedly 2 time super bowl winner (other leagues) this year.
29.Packers- When you have half the 1st rd draft picks are you allowed to be bad?
30.Seahawks- You know the Seahawks. They’re the old guy in the bar talking about how bad ass they used to be.
31.Falcons- With their roster I hope the new user is as good as the 49ers user claims to be.
32.Chargers- Hey at least their number 1 in draft picks.